Dazed Off

I Had a Stroke Reading This (from my old journal)

My family doesn't understand. I know
it's because they've been telling me that I have all the time I need;
I have plenty of time to work it out,

but why don't they understand?
I'm like this because I don't think I can hold on longer;
time isn't actually running out;
I'm just losing,
running,
away and out,
from the time Im still locked on.

Losing time was never what my problem is;
if I died, time wouldn't stop for me;
I would just stop.

so why do you keep talking about time fixing me, mom?
time doesn't heal anything
time holds no real meaning

I'm doing you a favour, mom
I never asked for the word "sorry"
a deep, five-hundred word apology
mom, just be apparent

I'm even doing my best
trying to clean up the pests
you've made me be
just so people won't talk about you
being
a
bad
fucking
parent
...
mom? Are you not giving me the help I need because you think time is all I need?
to what?
to get myself out of this fucking mess you made?
to figure out how to accept shits because that's how life works?

"All I have is time," right?
wrong, there isn't much time left until I wreck this hell of a life you fucking gave

so fuck you, mom.
and your fucking half assed principles.