Dazed Off

I Just Need A Moment, Mom (from my old journal)

Mom I just need a moment
To get my life back
Trust that I will help myself get myself back
from loosing my sense of self.

So I just need a moment
to stop thinking about cuts and veins
I'll try to stop getting scared of your voice, Mom.
Because the way i see it,
I'm more afraid of you than killing myself
I'm more afraid of you than god himself
or even the devil on flesh
because somehow, you're always both

I just need my mom
to give me more than a moment
to explain myself,
and understand me.

I just need my mom
to give me a hug.
Not any of the softest, silkiest blankets
can ever replicate the warmth
of a hug
of a mom.

So I need a mom
that won't mis-characterize my cry for help
as a grit of teeth of anger
for her.

I need a mom
that will give me a gentle, full pledged apology
instead of a forced sudden materialistic gift.

I need a mom
that won't read my poems
and call it blasphemy
call me a blasphemer
call it me-blaming-her
call it fucking emotional
this is an "i need my mom" moment
so this isn't about you, mom.
it never was.