Enveloped with Love! (Taekook)

CHAPTER IX

December 30th, 2021 - Seoul

Taehyung read the email again. His eyes drifted over the words to make sure that he was reading them right. It was an email from one of the publishing firms that he wrote for, letting him know that he was terminated with immediate effect for breach of contract.

Honestly, he didn't know how to feel. This is just another setback in his already dwindling life. It's not that he blames the firm, it is his fault of missing his deadlines for the third time. But he couldn't help it.

Since coming back from lunch at Min's on Christmas, he's been experiencing such conflicting emotions, he thinks his head will burst. He couldn't find any inspiration to write, try as he might. They had warned him the last time this happened that he would be let go if it repeats.

He hadn't written even a word for his piece, what else can be expected since Taehyung spent the last four days in bed. The weather had gotten considerably colder, with no heating, less food and all the conflicting emotions from his love life, it's a miracle he was still breathing.

All he had done was cry and stare at the roof window for hours on end. Moved around the house like a zombie, hadn't showered or eaten much in 2 days and was on the verge of giving up.

On his way back from Jimin and Yoongi's place, he felt a little excitement. He was confident that it was the first step towards a new day, a new life. Meeting Seojoon was the right call.

But as the days went on he couldn't fight the fear and uncertainty that clouded his mind. How was he supposed to move on when he had no closure? Is this how he was going to meet someone new when his head and heart were full of his lost love?

He is sure he's not in love with Jae-Hyun anymore but there were a lot of unresolved feelings there which were not letting him move on. What he needed was closure.

Truth is that Taehyung just wanted to feel loved. He had lacked that the most from the beginning. His parents had always preferred his siblings over him. Although he had a fairly okay childhood, meaning he had want for nothing, except well, love - acceptance maybe? He wasn't neglected or abused but is that always enough? Does he not deserve to belong?

Yoongi and Jimin were the only ones who showed him what it is to be accepted for who you are and celebrate you for it! And for a little while, Jae-Hyun had also loved him.

And it is that love that he craves. The love of a partner. He is not alone per se, he knows he has Yoongi and Jimin and can go to them whenever but it's different when it's your own person. As much as he is happy for the couple, he can't help but feel envious of what they have.

He's tired of coming home to an empty apartment. Tired of having his meals alone. Tired of taking care of himself and have only himself to be worried about.

And he knows how to fix it. He knows he needs to step out of his self-made bubble of fear and meet new people so he can find that potential someone who he can belong to. Who can belong to him!

But that is exactly where the problem is... He simply cannot! The fear that he will open his heart again and be vulnerable to the point of being hung up till the end of time haunts him even in his waking hours and so he resists...

Isn't it better to be by oneself rather than give someone the power to destroy you? Again?

Taehyung feels drained. He feels numb. After four days of excitement, nerves, fear and uncertainty on loop, he is simply numb. He just wants to sleep.

Sleep and never wake up. If he is to be alone why should he even continue?

All of this was made worse with the fact that he was by himself even today. Jimin and Yoongi had gone to Daegu to meet Jimin's family and discuss a few wedding details but were supposed to be back yesterday. He had only gotten a cryptic text from Yoongi saying they had to stay back for a few more days and that they were sorry.