Enveloped with Love! (Taekook)

CHAPTER LII

August 18, 2022 - Seoul - Asian Medical Center

AN: I found it was easier to write in 1st person POV hence the change! Apologies for taking so long.

Jeongguk's POV

It was mayhem.

One minute I was kissing my love, my Tae, and the next thing I know, I'm being hauled into a room at the hospital to prepare for my transplant. It was all such a blur. I don't remember changing clothes, I don't remember getting into the car and I, for sure, don't remember how my parents and Tae had just jumped into action once I had accepted. My brain was in a fix, my heart was in my mouth and I felt as I'm frozen in place while the whole world, my world, was in a crazy flurry of movement - hurrying to pack, phone calls being made, rushed kisses on my cheeks from my dads and so so many tears.

Tears of hope, tears of joy and some of fear. And me, I don't even know what I was supposed to feel. I was so sure of what I wanted, so ready to face the end and now here I am back to where I was 5 years ago. It was hard not to hope, seeing my dads and especially Tae being so hopeful and excited, as if the transplant was a success already and the actual surgery was but a formality at this point!

I had been angry back at the house, so angry at Tae for twisting my arm into giving in. But I couldn't hold on to it for long. For all my talk of not being able to accept the kidney, I folded quite early I think! But then was there even a possibility that Tae would push me, almost beg me to do something and I won't? I have known since the time we reconciled that I was gone for the man, there was no way I would hold out on what he was asking of me.

And in any case, I understood where he was coming from. I was so so proud of my baby for being so strong and patient with me. It was humbling at how selfless he was, knowing he was heading for his own destruction but was ready to face it if only it meant having a few days by my side. So when he asked me to put myself in his shoes I knew he had won. I knew that there was no way I would have sat back and watched the love of my life embrace death if there was even a slight chance that it could be avoided. And so I had agreed.

I still felt awfully guilty whenever I thought of Yi-Jun. The man had hurt me too much at one point but at his lowest point he had tried to make up for his mistakes. It was horrible to think of his state but also a relief to know that his parents were reaching out to other families as well with the help of doctors for organ donation. It did make me feel a bit better that there were others also who were being saved, probably being prepped alongside me for their own transplants. 

There will always be regret in my heart that I didn't answer his emails but it was something that I will have to live with. And in the face of my world finally on the precipice of having some sunshine after such a long dark night, it was hard to let that guilt weigh me down.

The nurses were quick and efficient with their work as I lay there for my ECG, temp and blood pressure check. Everything was going great. So great. Dr. Jung was like a child on steroids and his excitement was infectious, stopping all tears from everyone involved.

But my heart skipped a beat each time my eyes traveled to my baby. He was smiling so big, eyes shining with relief as if the transplant had already been a success. He was so beautiful, I could die!

My throat suddenly felt tight as fear I haven't ever felt before took its hold on me. I. Could. Die.

I could actually die today. It could be today!

I could go into the OR and not walk out. I could die on the table. This whole time I kept thinking that the worst would be the transplant failing. But the worst is me dying today. I knew I was dying and had made my peace with it but I still had two weeks more or less to spend time with my family, my Tae before it was time.