Enveloped with Love! (Taekook)

CHAPTER L

August 17th, 2022 - Seoul - Jeongguk's residence

Taehyung was struggling.

Bad.

Every minute, every second felt extremely precious and try as he might, he couldn't help but feel that he was wasting it. He knew it was fear, fear of losing Jeongguk which is so close he could almost touch it, feel its putrid taste on the tip of his tongue, sense his destruction that was almost here.

It was like watching a tornado approach him, so many days it felt like he was watching it come closer and closer... somehow his heart content with the fact that it's close but not as much and that there is still some time and suddenly in the blink of an eye, it was right in front of him. The flicks of strong, harsh winds almost caressing his frame and him being only a nano second away from being sucked into the oblivion of nothingness.

He could feel his facade crack at the seams. Many times during the day he found himself on the precipice of panic. He felt as if one moment he was fine and conversing with everyone, and the next he would just let out a soul shattering scream that would literally break glass. In a way, in his mind he was letting out that scream even when his face adorned a smile.

As if his essence was stuck inside the dark walls of his mind, screaming and scratching them to free himself whereas on the outside, he maintained a brave face.

He was disassociating with that painful part of his mind, all for Jeongguk. Only thinking of the younger brought a smile to his face and relief to his heart. It all felt worth it. He would do this a hundred times over, if it meant his love was happy.

Everything...was for him.

Sometimes Taehyung wondered if he was being stupid, if waiting for Jeongguk's death was the stupidest thing he had ever done but when he felt Jeongguk close to him, staring at him at times, smiling at him... he knew he made the right call.

He was sure he was facing terrible times ahead of him and the real struggle will start after Jeongguk is gone, not to mention he would have to sit through the actual moment of his death.

The very second where he would watch his love take his last breath, the light in his eyes slowly dim and finally wither away, never to come back again.

It scared him to think what he would do, because right now he was pretending. Acting as if his life depended on it because no way he was going to show Jeongguk how much he was affected. He knew one of Jeongguk's biggest fears was what would happen to him after his death, knowing he struggled so much after Jae-Hyun... So Taehyung had vowed that he would play his role so well, that Jeongguk would be able to go in peace.

He would be lying if he said he had not hoped for Jeongguk to change his mind during this past week. He knew it was fruitless but his heart was at the mercy of Jeongguk's love and always hoped. He would always continue to hope, he realized. Even at the last second, his heart would hope for a change, for some miracle.

Taehyung marveled at the fates... Why bring them together, only to force them apart? What was the grand plan? He was always a believer of fairy tales and happy ever afters, even after all that he had been through, he had still believed.

But now he doesn't know anymore...

Whatever it was, he was thankful.

Thankful to the universe for sending Jeongguk his way to heal him from himself and his past, show what it was like to be loved so deeply, so fiercely and Taehyung would do all of it, all over again even if he knew he was heading towards his destruction at the end.