An Unpredicted "Us"

New Parts

My throat feels locked up. My heart is racing. My stomach is fluttering. It's that feeling you get when someone is about to lose something important. But it's combined with when someone gains something of importance.

How is that even possible to feel?

We both sit at the table. We both look lost. And we both have so much to say but it's obvious neither one of us knows what or how to say it.

The problem is, that Ryan is too good of a guy. He wants to run from this because he regrets what he did...or I think he regrets it. He doesn't want to end up in a tangled web and right now we both are in a tangled web and the only way out is to face it head-on and somehow manage to move on like nothing ever happened.

I fight to swallow the nerves trying to jump out of my throat and come out with it. "Did you watch me last night?"

His eyes widen. "Fuck no! I'm not a pervert. I...I..." He pauses and I think he knows I know.

"You're not a pervert, Ryan," I reassure him. "You're an honest, amazing, loving, and passionate person. We both were watching a movie. We both were aroused. I accidentally left my door open. I wouldn't judge you if you saw me and your mind was lost for a second."

He shakes his head and turns it away from me again. "I did hear you as I was walking to the bathroom. It made my head turn your way. And yes. Because you left your door open and was laying there, legs spread wide and arched high without any blanket covering you, I saw it."

"Thanks for the honesty," I say calmly and place my hands on the table, bracing myself to tell him what I saw and did.

"I am looking for a place now." He quickly adds.

"Wait, why?" I ask in confusion. "You didn't do anything wrong."

His eyes narrow with a possible sadness in them. I'm confused. I don't know what his expression means. "Hannah..."

God! Every time he says my fucking name I'd swear my body trembles!

He exhales a heavy breath while playing with his coffee cup between his hands. "You are my daughter's best friend. You grew up with her. You're young. You are not looking for anything serious. I am. I never should have gone down on you and I never should have watched you last night. It's not okay. I can understand if you want me to leave."

"Leave?" My tone is wildly confused and lost sounding. "Ryan! I remember last week, and I enjoyed every second of it. Then when you masturbated last night."

His eyebrows jump to the ceiling and his mouth parts in shock. "You saw me?" He interrupts. "Oh my God! Hannah, I am so sorry!"

"Will you stop!" I slam my fist down on the table. This 'innocent act' is too fucking much.

"Ryan, I want to fuck you!" I blurt out. My eyes widen in horror, my heart stops beating for a second, and I slap my hand over my mouth. That was not supposed to come out.

"Hannah, I get it..." He pauses, whips his head up like he just saw God and the expression on his face is priceless. He looks dumbfounded mixed with a 'im-going-to-hell' look on his face. "You what?"

"That's why we needed to talk," I admit softly. "You have this backwards. We need to somehow move on from all of this because when you say my name, I get turned on. When you smile in a certain way, I get turned on. When I think back on 'that' night, I can't walk straight because I get turned on. We need to somehow move on from this."