An Unpredicted "Us"

Phone Tag

"I'm not doing this with you!" I text Ryan back, growing angrier with each passing second.

"Why not? You did it with that fuck boy you had in your room!"

"Not the same. You and I can't do this!" I feel like I am slamming my fingers against my phone just to message him. "I can understand the jealousy. I felt the same thing when I found out you went on a date! But you can't keep those feelings inside of you. You need to move on!"

"..."

And of course, he's not writing back! It's eleven thirty at night! He just left. I am still reeling from the two-second sex with Jackson two hours ago. I explained the entire "Jackson' situation to Lacey, and she laughed her ass off...rightfully so. Ryan lives minutes away. I could go over there and find out this stupid truth he's hiding.

Going to his house! Not an option!

"I know we are nothing!" He finally writes back. "But I still have to do this! Seeing you walking out of that bedroom with him! I can't! I have to do this!"

"Do what?"

"..."

What the fuck is he doing?

"..."

I'm getting nervous! "Ryan! Answer me!"

Son of a bitch!

I rush out into the living room. I'm not dumb! He's not doing anything stupid. But he's doing something, and I refuse to be the blame for some random bullshit! I am not his girlfriend! But I am not going to let him do something stupid because of me!

Not surprisingly, Lacey must be in bed already. She is an early riser. I can be an early riser and some days I don't wake up until one in the afternoon. It depends on the night before.

I'm not going to regret this! I am going over there to make sure he's not doing anything stupid! And when I get there, it will turn into a fight. We promised each other this was done with. And looking at my phone, I must have a dozen messages from him tonight and one message was sent as he was still in this fucking apartment earlier. He's lucky Lacey didn't catch on! Him pressing send and then my phone got the fucking 'ding' right after! Dumb ass!

The spring air in Cambridge is like no other. It's warmer than usual this time of year and I fucking love it! It's this warming air that hits your nose just right and wraps around you.

I don't know why, but I've always been a person who once winter ends and spring rapidly warms up, I could spend every night outside smelling that spring air and allowing myself to be at peace.

I'm a peaceful person. I don't like conflict, although my friends think I enjoy conflict because even though I am not a fighter, I know how to fight and if the right bitch pisses me off, I will knock her on her ass. And my high school sweetheart was terrified of me because he tried starting shit with me one time and I kicked his ass in the high school lunchroom. No one laughed. I think it was because the way I took him down showed everyone I could fight. My dad and I didn't see eye to eye, but that man made sure I knew how to defend myself. Oh, and the fact that I don't have a filter which can get me into fights more than it needs to.

Okay! Off that subject!

The night and beautifully set neighborhood make me question why I don't take more walks at night. It's fucking gorgeous. It's not okay that Ryan only lives minutes away by foot. And I shouldn't be going over there but damn it! I somehow feel responsible for whatever he might do. I mean, some of those texts seemed pretty serious. But another part of me believes he's just being a big fucking baby! And it doesn't help that my 'arousing meter' has broken because it is so fucking high! All Jackson had to do was start kissing me during the movie! We had plenty of time for me to release this massive fucking build-up inside of me. And now it's even more massive!