An Unpredicted "Us"

If Only

I can't believe I am saying this, but Jackson seems like a pretty decent guy. Aside from the fact that he is stupidly hot! He's polite and he hasn't tried pushing me for sex yet. And somehow, I am dumbfounded at how I haven't pushed him yet.

It's been a week and he and I have gone on two dates. Tonight, Lacey and Ryan have some 'thing' they have to go to with Brenda and I feel bad for both of them...but I am slowly forgetting about Ryan.

"How's Jackson?" Lacey questions as she drops down at the kitchen table. "Have you two..." She flashes her eyebrows and gives her best playful-looking expression. "You know!"

I can't hide my smile as I playfully and slap her shoulder. "No! But he's coming by tonight. He's not staying or anything just coming for a movie and maybe...coming."

"I asked for it!" She laughs and glances at her phone. "And of course, my dad is asking if you're coming...what the fuck is his deal?"

My heart sinks. Why does she say it like that? "What do you mean?" I ask, trying not to pry too much, but now she has me curious.

"Well since he and his date went different ways..."

"They did?" I am quick to interrupt her and sound too interested in the conversation.

Fuck!

If I seem too pushy or interested and Ryan's already making her think something is off, she might start asking questions that I have answers to, but I'm not answering them.

She nods her head while biting her finger and what looks to be like sending a message to him. Now I'm trying to raise my body so I can see the message and that will look obvious.

"But he's asked about you!" She admits and that sinking heart of mine...yep! It just sank even further.

"Why me?" I ask, trying to play dumb and lost. "I mean. I did grow up with you. Your father has known me his entire life and now he barely sees me so maybe he's just checking in to see how I am doing."

She looks at me, her eyes narrow and she's still biting down on her nail. "Maybe...but..." She pauses and it scares the shit out of me. Is she putting two and two together? Does she think something is up? Because I can assure her Jackson is my answer to this problem.

She pulls her thumb from her mouth. "Yeah! You're right. I have to be overthinking this. He just...he seemed a little different and from my understanding, he never even slept with this 'date' of his and he went out with her like four times! That fucked with me."

"Oh shit!"

Is he still 'stuck' on me? We promised each other that was the last time! He knows as good as the world knows nothing could ever work between us. And I'm not dumb. I might be twenty now, but I can see people looking at it weirdly. And it's wrong of others to judge.

But! This is bad! If he didn't sleep with her because he couldn't get hard or just couldn't feel 'it' with her, he's probably thinking I am the only thing in the world to solve that for him. And honestly! I'm not! There are plenty of women who can satisfy him, and he needs to understand that! And I have to stop worrying about him and move on with my life! I am finally moving forward and here I am thinking about him!

"I don't know," I say quickly to shut any theories down, so she doesn't overthink anything.

I want to ask so many fucking questions. And the fact that I felt a zing of jealousy inside of me when she brought up his date! I need to shut that shit down too!