An Unpredicted "Us"

Me

I'm angry with Ryan! As I stand and stare at him and his ridiculously hot body, I want to slide my tongue all across it and of course I do! I know what he fucking tastes like and every part of my body is hungry for him! And once again, I am only hungry for him because of how wildly aroused I became while sliding Jackson inside of me. It's like blue balls for women; I swear it does not go away!

I give a quick shake of my head and with gritted teeth, I release an angered sigh. "I came here because you had me believing you would do something stupid. We both are smart, Ryan! We backed away from each other. I finally started moving on! I understand that you can't handle the thought of me with another man, but it's life. I'm not going celibate because you feel something for me."

"I'm not saying you have to go celibate! I will admit it pisses me off! And maybe it's because I have feelings for you. Or maybe it's because sex with you is the best I ever had, and I can't handle the thought of someone else having you."

He's right and I know it. Sex with him is nothing like I have ever felt with any other person. I've even been able to pleasure myself and give myself better orgasms than any man has ever done...until I met Ryan. Just me tasting that fucking thing forces come to trickle down my inner thighs.

My mind is not helping the situation!

"Ryan..." I pause and look up toward the ceiling with anger, guilt, sadness, and everything else. "You have feelings for me. And you can't. I never should have come, but now that you are admitting this...this is far from okay. I know what we both feel, and I don't know why I came here."

"No!" He quickly argues. "We do not have to discuss any feelings. Just, talk! I don't...I don't know! And you can't sit here and tell me you don't have feelings for me."

He just made zero sense.

I nod. "I do!" I say with confidence. "But those feelings are purely sexual. When I look at you, I want to do bad things/ I can't lie about that. But! Other than that, I don't feel anything emotionally toward it!"

"Bullshit." He argues softly and looks defeated. "You can deny it all you want. But you and I both know it's something more than sex."

I fight the burning knot in my throat from the anger, sadness, and sexual frustration inside of me. "Even if it was, it can't happen. And I can't keep sounding like a broken record.

I am lying to myself.

Do I have feelings for him, and I am denying it? I do get jealous when I think of him and another woman. Even if I feel something! It can't fucking happen!

"Ugh!" I scream in defeat. "This pisses me off! I don't have feelings for you! I feel like...I don't know what I feel! Even if I have feelings! We can't ever entertain them! So why do you keep pushing this? Why do you keep drawing me in? Why can't you just leave me alone?"

"Why are you here, Hannah!" He argues, knowing damn well why I am here. "You sit here and deny, deny, deny, but you show up when you don't have to! You say things you don't have to say! You sit here and argue with me when you should have left by now! So, either fuck me or leave!"

I scoff with disgust. "What makes you think I am here to fuck you?"

He lowers his head, keeping his eyes locked to mine with that are-you-serious look in them.

Damn him!

I toss myself into his arms, our lips colliding along with our worlds. This feeling inside of me is euphoric and angelic and...and...