An Unpredicted "Us"

Drown

The gunman is chasing after me. I'm scared, tired, and lost, and know this is it! This is the end for me! My heart hurts it's pounding so fucking hard. My body feels numb. I can't find anywhere to hide! It's all open area and he's gaining on me.

He's wearing a ski mask, gold shorts, a short-sleeved button-up flamingo shirt, and no shoes. I am in a wedding dress for my wedding!

Ryan has already been shot and is lying dead somewhere in the tent. I watched it all. The gunmen came in. There were three of them and they just started shooting everyone. I couldn't do anything to help anyone. I was helpless.

I watched as the bullet pierced through Ryan's heart and he went down fast. There was no saying goodbye, no way to save him, no way to stop it! That's what's terrifying! There is no way to stop death!

"Hannah! Wake up!" Ryan's voice calls out. "Hannah, baby! Wake up! You're having another nightmare! It's just a nightmare!"

I gasp for air, raise from the bed fast, and pop my eyes open so fucking fast. My heart is pounding, my head is killing me, my hands are shaking...fuck that! My body is trembling. I feel like people are going to get me! Beads of sweat are trickling down my face.

I look around the darkened bedroom. The light illuminating from the alarm clock is the first thing I notice and it's three-forty in the morning.

"Oh, thank God!" I cry as Ryan holds me tight in his arms. "I thought...I thought..."

"I know, baby! It's okay! It's the same dream again!" He says softly, comforting me and making sure I'm not going to do what I did last week and run out of my own fucking house...well...his house.

I've been having constant nightmares ever since I got shot and they have not been light nightmares. They have been heavy, terrifying, waking me up and screaming kind of nightmares.

Ryan's arm makes me feel safe. I know with him I will never have to worry. But he wasn't there that day, and I know he can't always be there. So, I can't continue to live my life in fear. I started taking self-defense classes, including jiu-jitsu and boxing. Although that won't stop a bullet from piercing me.

"I think I'm up for the day," I say so softly it's almost inaudible.

"Hannah." He argues.

Oh, the way he says my name!

"It's only three-forty, baby." He acknowledges and almost tries to force me to lie down with him. "It's been two months since the..." He falls quiet.

Ryan hates saying it and I don't blame him. It was a random act of violence just so some kid could get initiated into a gang. And ironically it was in one of the nicest and safest places in America! It's like they purposely sought out a nice area. But enough of that fucking memory! If there was a way to erase memories, I'd erase that day. Even though I am fine now, fully healed, living my best life during the day and I am not scared, nighttime is the polar opposite. Horrible nightmares and sleepwalking on rare occasions.

Fuck! He has me lying down and thinking I am going to fall asleep. I'm not! Once I wake up from those nightmares, I am awake!

I look back over at the clock and it's seven-twenty. "Holy shit!" I say and quickly slide out of bed.

He rubs his face against his pillow, and I crack a smile as I watch him slither around the bed like a snake trying to search for me.

"Hannah?" His eyes shoot open. "Baby? Are you sleepwalking again?" I giggle at the sound of fear in his tone.

"No, babe," I say while standing at the edge of the bed and admiring the man that cares for me so fucking much he'd die for me. "You did put me back to sleep though."