Is the light really at the end of the tunnel...

Chapter 47

“Are you ready?” Matt asked, concern lacing in his voice pulling me out of my train of thoughts.

“Uhm, yeah, I uhh, I guess so,” I reply

Today is my first day back from my maternity leave and inside, I’m a mess, I mean just a nervous wreck.

“Let’s just get this day over and done with,” I say getting out of the car but not before hearing him sigh as he followed.

When we entered the building I could feel people’s stares burning hole at the back of my head, I even noticed some pity looks.

Wow, I guess word travels fast around here.

I went to my office and Juliana was nowhere to be seen, maybe she is late. I really didn’t care. Shocking I know.

I sat down on my chair and leaned back closing my eyes and just listening to the silence. It has not been this silent since the triplets were born, well twins.

“Belle, good morning I’m sorry for being late I was at the canteen getting you some coffee to get you started on your first day back, I already have your schedule and luckily today is not going to be a busy day and lastly, welcome back Mrs Porter,” Juliana said all in one breath

“Thank you Juliana and thank you for the coffee, I need it so let us get started on some work,” I say offering her a small smile and we get started straight away

“You know you can ask me anything instead of staring because that won’t get you any answers,” I say to Juli while typing away on my laptop

“First of all I am sorry for your loss and I know it’s not my place but how ar-,” I cut her off

“I’m fine thank you, I uh, I-, the grief never stops but we have to move on , so I guess I am moving on,” I tell her

This day is dragging to be honest because right now I am on my lunch break and I would be spending it in Matt’s office because I cannot for the life of me stand the pity stares.

“Melissa is Mathew busy?” I asked

“No, you can go in,” she says and I nod my head
“Mrs Porter,” she calls out and I turn around
“I’m sorry for your loss,” she said and I gave her a tight lipped smile and went into the office. This is what I hated, people being nice to me just because my daughter passed away, I hate ‘nice’ pity for real.

“Hey my love, how’s your first day back going?” he asks and I sigh

“Apart from the pity looks and missing my babies it’s going good,” I tell him

“Yeah, I have been getting them for some time too and it sucks,” he says.

We eat our food while conversing in some light conversations.

“I’m thinking of visiting Sam today,” I say out of the blue and I see him tense up a little

“If that is what you want then I will support you 100 percent,” he says

“Thank you, I have been really thinking about this for quite some time but if you are uncomfortable and don’t want me to go I won’t because I know what he put our family through an-,” he cuts me off mid ramble

“Baby, it’s okay if you feel the time is right for you to talk to Sam then go for it and when I’m ready I’ll also have a talk with him but for now I’m just going to support you and your decision,” he says softly

“You know, losing our baby taught me, and I know this sounds so cliché but it taught me that life is too short, hold on to your loved ones while you still can because you never know what can happen next. Unfortunately for our little girl she never even got to live,” I stop myself as I felt the tears coming