Is the light really at the end of the tunnel...

Chapter 2

Today I was happy, in fact I was over the moon because unlike any other day today was different. It was the day that I’ll be able to finally escape from this hell of a home.
 
Oh wait…

Did I just call it a home, oh dear, this house was no longer a home because it lost the warmth it had the day that my father died.

It definitely may not be a home anymore, yeah that classification is definitely thrown out the window, on the bright side though at least my father is warm wherever he is.
Even though leaving this house is one of the best decisions that I could ever make for myself, I could not help but feel as though I’m making a mistake.

This was my father’s house and we had so many good memories in this house together and now I feel like I’m abandoning them and most of all I feel like I am abandoning him but now thanks to my sweet and very loving mother (note the sarcasm once again), she has replaced all my good memories in this house with bad ones and I cannot help but shudder every time I think about the abuse I went through in this house.

When I was done packing which was easy because it was only one suitcase I just left the house because my sisters and mom went on a girls day out leaving me behind because and I quote “I do not fit in and I am a disgrace”, hey, her words not mine, brutal I know.

My brother went out with his friends since one of them had a birthday so they went to celebrate him by taking him to lunch so basically I was all alone, I was used to it by now considering the fact that they always leave me behind, my brother though would always ask if I wanted to go with him but I always refuse his offers because I don’t want to spend time with my brother’s friends that is just weird.

So since my family is kind of well known, we used to go to many events when dad was alive but now that he is not here mom takes Kiana, Kira with and Kyle also but he doesn’t want to go them anymore because mom won’t allow me to tag along and every time people ask where I am, mom always makes excuses for me.

Mmmmh, wow, how thoughtful of her to do that, argh barf. (Cue the eye roll).
Right now I was just staring at my room with one thought in my mind, I chose to be happy, if dad were here he would have wanted me to do what was going to make me happy, so with me leaving he would have been overjoyed.

Right? ...

This whole thing is just so overwhelming, like how did we get here. A part of me wanted to stay but a bigger part of my heart is encouraging me to go unless, I want to endure the abuse every single day for the rest of my life in this house. Some of you guys maybe confused as to where I’ll be going since I literally just left my parents’ house, what am I saying all of you guys are confused anyways I know exactly where I’m going.

After a long journey I stopped in front of a door that I had not seen ever since my father passed away. It was my grandmother’s house, my dad’s mom. I missed her so much and when I would make plans to visit her my mom would forbid me from doing so and would always lock me inside my room for days without food.

As I approached the door to grandma’s house I knew right then and there that this was the right decision and I am happy that I made it.
Now I was happy because I have found my happy place and I am ready to start living a happy life where I will not have to worry about being bullied emotionally and physically, I will be able to start afresh, finally leaving all my insecurities behind because they were the one that were making me feel weak, worthless and useless in front of my sisters and I honestly hated that feeling with all of my heart and I
would not wish it even for my worst enemy because once you feel those things, your mind just goes to a very dark place and let me tell you this, very few people come out and I am blessed to be one of those people who decided to block those thoughts before they overpowered me making me to do the something bad.

Right now my mind is racing because I have so many what ifs clouding my mind, for example what if my grandmother does not want me and sends me back to my mom that will only cause bigger problems for me and I’ll get in so much trouble for running away.

“I can already feel my mom’s hand slapping me across the face,” I whisper to myself whilst bringing my hand up to gently touch my cheek as if I had been slapped.
Wait, what if grandma is upset because I did not call her after all this time and is refusing to understand that mom made me cut all ties with her making me to even delete her contacts from my phone. My mom is crazy I tell you.

*sigh*

“You can do this Belle, granny will be happy to have you here,” I say encouraging myself because I am such a big scaredy cat and I apparently cannot knock on the door without giving myself a *pep talk* first, wow I am really crazy, not like my mom though, she’s on another level.

My hands start to sweat and my heart feels like it is going to explode because of how nervous I am feeling right now.  I’m so dramatic like grandma is not a stranger for goodness’ sake she is my grandmother so why am I this nervous?

Oh wait! I know why, I am afraid of being rejected by the only person who is my last hope…
Ooooooooh that was deep, when did my life become like this arrrrggggg.