Pitch Perfect Harmony

He Cared

Travis woke up pretty hungry the next day because they hadn't had dinner the day before due to Taylor's panic attack. But he already forgot about it when he felt his girlfriend tremble in his arms slightly sniffling. "Tay?", he asked carefully to find out if she was awake or crying in her sleep. "I'm sorry", she mumbled. He wrapped his arms tighter around her waist to pull her closer. "You have nothing to apologize for. It's okay", he whispered. "I came in here and accused you of things you never did", she mentioned. "I got pretty excited about the new house and maybe I just asked one question too much for you to not feel pressured", he thought out loud. "No. I... I don't know why I got scared", she admitted. Travis decided to turn her around in his arms and look at her. "There's no reason to cry right now, pretty girl. I am not mad at you. You had a panic attack. Obviously, you didn't choose to have one. Just know that you don't need to hide if this happens. I would rather not break more doors", he told her brushing some hair out of her face.

"I didn't know I was going to panic when I hid from you. I just... I got worked up and because I knew that I would've said stupid things if I hadn't left you in the hallway, I decided to try to calm down first. Didn't work too well", she explained. Travis nodded in understanding. "Are you okay now? I don't want to, but I have to leave today", he wanted to make sure. "I can handle myself again, thanks", she tried to smile half-serious. "Call me whenever you need to talk, okay? I can care about my house alone and just show you when I'm there if that works for you", he suggested. "Maybe that's better. I don't know, it just... it felt like picking out a house together and...", she stuttered. "And that's too early", he finished her sentence calmly. Taylor nodded a bit embarrassed. "I know now, hm? You can tell me things like that, okay? I won't be mad at you if something is just too much or too early for you", he told her. "I'll try", she agreed.

"Do you have panic attacks often? Or like... kind of regularly?", Travis wanted to know after a short silence. Taylor shook her head. "There was a time when I had these a lot but now... I mean sometimes but I don't even remember the last one too well", she explained honestly. "Normally, I'm better at recognizing panic and calming myself down with breathing techniques or something", she added. "You ever had one?", she asked curiously. "I could count them on one hand but yeah", Travis answered. "It's been a while though", he added. "Now that we're talking about it", Taylor began again making him look at her in anticipation. "I don't have panic attacks often but when there are a few really stressful days with a lot of people and noise and an emotional up and down, I tend to get overwhelmed. Like a metal breakdown or something. It feels like an overload of everything and I just need to lock myself in a room somewhere and have it as silent as possible. Without anyone touching me. I'd prefer to float if it was possible. But that's not panic", she explained slowly. She hadn't told too many people yet. She never even talked about it with Joe. He just had figured it out by himself when he had seen her like that.

Travis took a few moments to think about what she had just said. "So I'd just leave you alone then?", he wanted to make sure. "Yeah... I know it probably looks bad and it is exhausting but I just fall asleep sooner or later and wake up feeling better", she explained. "Okay... You know you don't have to force yourself through an after-party or something like that if you can't?", he mentioned. Taylor smiled softly. "If I recognize it in time, I try to get out of the situation and give myself some space before it gets bad. That's just not always possible", she answered. Travis nodded hugging her again. "You're a pretty sensible person, hm?", he said. "In a good way! I didn't mean to... sorry", he added embarrassed. Taylor just chuckled a little. "It's not wrong. I guess I am", she admitted shrugging. Of course, she knew that. She knew herself very well by this time. Travis sighed knowing he had to leave this bed soon and her in a few hours.

„Do you wanna get some breakfast? I'm starving", Taylor suggested. Travis nodded. "Should I have brought us some food yesterday?", he asked to maybe do better next time. But Taylor shook her head. "I... I needed sleep", she said. "You could've gotten yourself something of course", she added. "It's fine. I didn't want to leave you alone", he told her while they were finally getting up. Taylor smiled at him thankfully. He had been great yesterday. His words had helped a lot and she honestly considered it to be a positive thing having gone through this together. The conversation from a few minutes ago felt really good too. He was so understanding and listened to her very carefully. He cared. And she did too.

During breakfast, the topics got more lighthearted. Travis was happy to see her smile and laugh again. His heart had been breaking for her the night before. "I should maybe pay for the door", he mentioned when they got to the bathroom to get ready. "Oh, it's fine. I'll have it repaired. You did that because of me", she just said. "I did that for you, not because of you", he corrected her casually having an arm around her waist and looking in the mirror. Taylor rolled her eyes a little. "Thank you my hero", she joked but let shine through that she kind of meant it. He kissed her temple before she turned to him to meet his lips with hers.

"I'll miss you so much", she sighed. "You'll be at the game in five days. I'm sure we can do that", he said. "But I'll miss you too", he added pulling her just a little closer while still kissing her. They couldn't stop themselves and ended up making out in the bathroom for a good while. Their lips were red when Travis' alarm reminded him to leave soon. He had to pack his stuff and Taylor was watching him, feeling the ache of missing his proximity already. The next few months would be hard. She had forgotten how it was to love someone while being on tour.

You'll probably notice that I tend to project my own feelings and experiences (anxiety, overstimulation ending in "shutdowns", ...) onto characters I write about and idealize the vision with a character I wish I knew in real life😅

Although I have seen a few videos of people trying to "prove" that Taylor in reality could be autistic, I as someone who considers myself (most likely) on the spectrum would not ever think about "diagnosing" someone I've never even met in person. We all have our quirks and in my case, they might be related to autism but others can very well show similar behavior under certain circumstances without being on the spectrum.
What I'm trying to say is: I don't want to insinuate Taylor to be autistic or anything close to that. I just write about my experiences in life because those are the only ones I truly understand. That's how life works I guess.
I hope noone feels uncomfortable or in any way attacked by what I write in this chapter, right now after the chapter, or in upcoming chapters.
Only Love, H 🤍