Pitch Perfect Harmony

A Step Back

"I'm so sorry", Taylor apologized after telling Travis on the phone that she wasn't ready to meet him on tour. She was too scared of what would happen if people found out. They still barely knew each other. It just had taken her a whole monologue to explain herself and now she was too insecure to look up at her phone and see his face. "It's okay. I... really, It's fine. But... you still want to... talk and...", he carefully wanted to know if they were still together. "Yes! Yes, I want to be... whatever we are. Just... I think I need a bit more time to get to know you, I'm sorry", she immediately said. He was slightly disappointed but not because she didn't want to meet him. Her "whatever we are" hurt a bit after their last date. It kinda sounded like they were a couple back then didn't it? Did he misinterpret that? "Maybe we can have video calls more often and just talk more and... sorry", she apologized again because he didn't answer. „I'd love to do that. Maybe you're right and we should get to know each other better", he finally said looking at her hurt but understanding.

They weren't able to really lighten the mood again after that. The call ended shortly after. Taylor fell onto her hotel bed and concentrated on not crying. She didn't just fuck it up, did she? Travis decided to take a shower and get his thoughts straight. He could understand her because he knew that she's been through a lot even though he didn't know every story. It stung that she took a step back again but he couldn't be mad at her. He didn't really tell her that during the call though. Taking his phone again, he sighed and decided to text her before going to bed. "I needed a moment but I'm really not mad at you or anything. I understand where you're coming from and I'm glad you told me and didn't try to hide it. Let's try to talk more often and we will just see when the time has come to meet again. Sleep well beautiful", he wrote. He meant it and was hoping it would make her feel better because it was obvious to him that she felt bad for it the whole time.

Taylor heard her phone buzz. She still lay on her bed spiraling about what just happened. Did he text her now? Was he ending it before it even started? She couldn't be mad about it. She felt like she was just not able to have a normal relationship and she was the problem again. But Taylor still forced herself to pick up the phone and read the text. Incredulously, she sat up in her bed. "What", she mumbled in disbelief. Was this real? Was he even real? Was this normal and she just never met someone like him or was he actually special? "Thank you. I'm sorry, I guess I'm just a bit of a mess", she answered surprised by her own honesty. "Please don't say that. It's gonna be okay. Now please stop worrying and get some sleep. It's okay, I promise", he quickly answered. She still almost couldn't believe it. He already picked up on her insecurity and wasn't a dick about it.

The next day, she was talking to her mom about it. "That's great honey. It sounds like he's a good guy", Andrea told her daughter. Taylor just explained what happened and her mom was happy for her. She knew about Taylor's fears and that she didn't want to meet him as long as people would notice and she also knew that she had been scared to tell him. But he seemed to be understanding. The more Andrea got to know about this guy, the more she liked him. Of course, she still would want to meet him before fully approving but she also trusted her daughter and didn't want to tamper.

Taylor and Travis texted the next few days but couldn't find the time for a call until almost a week later. Taylor decided to go more casual about it than before and just sit in her bed without makeup and with her hair in a ponytail. "Hey beauty", he greeted her with a silly grin also sitting in his bed. "Hey silly", she laughed, already sensing that this call would go way better than the last one. "How was your week? How are you?", he asked genuinely wanting to know that. "I'm pretty good, I'd say. Had my break yesterday, we arrived here a few hours ago, and I am already waiting for tomorrow", she explained happily before asking: "How about you?" Travis smiled at her watching her eyes shimmer with joy as he had never seen it in anyone else. "I had a pretty rough practice today but I already had food, so I'm good", he said. "What happened?", she immediately wanted to know. "Oh, just a bad day overall. But now that I'm talking to you, I feel better already", he winked at her. Taylor giggled rolling her eyes.

Talking about this and that, they ended up on the topic of how the right diet was pretty important for their jobs. "I had to learn that the hard way though", Taylor said knowing that he would ask questions. She decided that she wanted to tell him about it after blocking the topic off on their last date. He just looked at her confused but curious. "The 1989 tour was hard at the time", she started. "Why?", he blatantly asked also remembering her hint at that before. "I... I honestly thought it was normal but yeah... I often felt like I was gonna pass out at the end of the show or in between songs", she explained feeling his eyes on her. "Did no one notice? I mean... that's dangerous!", he said. "I didn't admit it. Anyone who worried about my health or how little I ate, I just ran them off", she told him a bit insecure. "So... you just... didn't eat enough?", he carefully asked. "I... I barely ate at all", she admitted sighing silently. "It was just... I don't know. I don't think I knew what I was doing for most of the time", she added.

Travis didn't know what to say. She just told him something so delicate, that he was even a little bit scared of saying something wrong. "But you never did pass out did you?", he wanted to know. "No. I think it was close a few times maybe. I know better now", she tried to smile. "How did you... like... get better?", he asked insecure about the word choice. "I think when the tour ended, I kinda had to face it. Also, the people around me thankfully got more stubborn about it. When the whole thing with Kanye went down, I had a hard time and fell back for a few weeks but... I don't know. If you get out of it once, it's easier the second time. Besides, I kind of just flew to London with Joe and hid for a while to get myself sorted out", she told him. He knew about Kanye. At least he thought he knew most of what happened. Her ex was a topic for another day though. Travis nodded obviously still thinking about what to say. "So first of all... thank you for telling me", he wanted to get out. She smiled at him thankfully.

"I don't know what to say", he admitted afterward blushing nervously. Taylor laughed a bit. "But did no one like... see it? I mean... publicly?", he finally asked. She was glad that he continued to ask questions. He obviously tried to understand and get to know her more. "Oh, they did. I talked about it before. In the documentary mainly", she told him. "So people know?", he wanted to be sure. She nodded. "I was doing okay when we recorded the documentary and I decided to talk about it, make it less of a tabu thing to say out loud", Taylor explained. "I'm sure that wasn't easy", he imagined. "Talking about it was hard in general but most people were surprisingly kind about it. I think it helped a few of them too", she said. "Do I have to... be careful about something? Like... I don't know, can I say something wrong?", he wanted to know. She still smiled at him almost amazed by the question. "Not really. At least nothing special. Just... I mean... don't comment on weight and food portions but...", she said getting interrupted: "Well, I wouldn't do that anyway." Taylor couldn't stop smiling. It should be normal like that but it wasn't and so she was glad to hear it.

That call felt like it was a step in the right direction. Getting to know each other means getting to know each other's past challenges too. At least the ones that still have an impact on your life. They were both very happy after their goodbye. There was hope again.