Risk it, Lose it (Remington Series 3)

Chapter 37 - A Stroke of Tranquility

Rylee's POV

Halos hindi ako makausap buong araw. I am drained. Parang wala na sa wisyo ang utak ko na mag-isip.

"Mommy?" rinig kong tawag sa akin ni Pol.

Lumingon ako sa kaniya at tipid na ngumiti. Hindi ako nakatulog nang maayos at umagang-umaga ay nasa balcony ako, nakatulala.

"Pol, come here," sabi ko at umamba ng yakap sa kaniya.

"Are you sad, Mommy?" tanong niya.

Namuo ang luha sa mata ko. Hindi ko matanggap. Pakiramdam ko habang buhay kong sisisihin ang sarili ko sa nangyari.

I hugged Pol tightly, not wanting him to see the sadness overwhelming me. But despite my efforts, tears still escaped. I couldn't shake the feeling of sorrow, the regret for Charles, for all his unwavering support even when I pushed him away.

"Mommy is just sad now, but I will be fine, Pol," sabi ko.

Hinawakan ni Pol ang magkabilang pisngi ko para punasan ang mga luha ko.

"Why are you crying, Mommy?" tanong niyang muli.

Hinalikan ko ang maliit niyang kamay. I feel so broken. I feel like a part of me has died. A part of me will never come back.

"Because I lost my friend," I replied, voice trembling. "And I feel so sad because I lost him without even saying goodbye."

Kumunot ang noo ni Pol.

"But you can still say goodbye to him, Mommy. If you call him, you can say bye!"

Tumango na lang ako. He wouldn't understand. He couldn't understand.

"Pol?" pagtawag ni Tristan sa kaniya.

Nagkatinginan kami ni Tristan. He sighed before turning back to Pol.

"Pol, you should get ready, we're going to your new school."

I closed my eyes tightly. I couldn't even help Tristan with the children. He was busy cooking and looking after them all on his own.

Tumayo ako para sana tulungan siya pero agad niya rin akong pinigilan.

"Rest, Rylee," bulong niya. "Rest as much as you can, as much as you want."

I nodded and embraced him tightly, feeling his arms wrap around me in return, offering solace and support.

"I'm sorry, Tristan," sabi ko sa gitna ng mga hikbi. "I just don't know how—"

"I know, baby," sabi niya habang hinahaplos ang likod ko. "Take all the time you need, I'll be here."

Umiling ako. Hindi naman p'wedeng ganoon. I can't let Tristan suffer just because of me.

"Rylee, please," pagpigil niya sa akin nang umamba akong susunod kila Pol. "I want you to rest."

Yumuko ako. May lugar akong gustong puntahan. Lugar na matagal ko nang iniisip sa loob ng pitong taon. Doon lang ata ako makakapagpahinga nang maayos.

"Pupunta ako sa sementeryo," sabi ko.

I watched as Tristan's eyes softened, as if I were something delicate he needed to protect.

"Alright," sabi niya. "Susunod ako sa'yo kapag nahatid ko na sila, okay? I'll be there."

Dahan-dahan akong tumango. Gusto kong pumunta kay Mama. Gusto kong kausapin siya.

Hinayaan ako ni Tristan na mauna na sa sementeryo. Matapos kong magpaalam sa kambal ay agad akong umalis kahit na hindi pa ako nag-aalmusal. The twins were confused, but I just kissed them goodbye.