A life beyond insanity (Kaiman x reader)

30. To the rescue

I got something!

Or shall I say, got someone?

Looking behind the door, there he sat, a tall man in a tight costume, "Ah my head!"

"Kaiman!!!!!" he didn't see it coming, as I began to choke him out of happiness, only to get pushed off.

"Get of me woman!"

This man was sure hard to impress, "Nice to see you too Kaiman. Huh? You're here too Fukuyama?"

She explained the situation and how they got here. The lizard man was still whining over his head, as we dragged him along to the exit...that is...if we can find it, "Do you know how you got in?"

Fukuyama shrugged, "Do you?"

"Shit"

Kaiman whined louder, "We have no time to find the bathroom N/A. Just hold it in."

"I didn't mean that! We are lost, completely lost in here!" We need a plan and fast, "Do you remember what rooms you saw?" Her description was less creepy than mine though, so we took their way from where they came from. During our search, I told them about what happened while I was here. Fukuyama listened carefully, while Kaiman just wobbling from side to side. He didn't seem to realize that he found me already.

Taking the next door for inspection, I suddenly panicked, "...we just have to be care full than we don't run into....En?!"

I expected him to be in his room or on the other side of the mansion, but I was wrong. It was filled with all sorts of clothes for man and women. He looked just as surprised to see me, "What are you doing here?" Fukuyama poked my side to say something, "Ehm...I ...needed...the ladies room?"

"I guess you are lost, shall I escort you?"

"NO!...I mean...no need...a simple description would be fine." And who knew, it was really simple...and very helpful, "Down the corridor on your right, the fifteenth door on the left. It is next to the door to the garden, you can't miss it. I will see you later outside."

"Thank you" closing the door slowly, I pulled on Kaiman's shirt, "Hurry up" Slowly, he got back his senses, "You in need of a ladies room? Are you even a lady?" I didn't look at him, but my voice showed I was angry, "One more lip of you and I will turn you into one!" Fukuyama however, was surprised how we could argue at a time like this, but didn't want to get between it. Now standing before the bathroom, Kaiman just went into the bathroom. Fukuyama and I looked at each other stunned, "Hey Kaiman, what are you doing?!"

"I have to pee!"

"Just hold it! We have to get out of here...now! "

"...just a minute!" Outside, we could hear him whistle a tune in satisfaction.

"Pee faster damn it!"

Taking his sweet time was not part of the plan. In disbelieve I had to ask Fukuyama, "Are you sure you came here to save me? Or did you just come to wind me up? "

"Honestly, I don't really know. First he couldn't get here fast enough and now, he acts like he doesn't care." Anyhow, time was working against us. En just got out from his room, heading in our direction. Before he could see us, we ran into the bathroom. Kaiman was far from impressed, "Can't a man take a piss in peace?!" Ignoring him, I slammed the toilet lid down, needing it to climb out the window. The lizard guy was furious, "Hey!"

"If you don't shut up, I will leave you behind!"

It was a disaster, even on the other side. Kaiman's tight uniform was ripped open from all sides, revealing a dress underneath it. I raised a brow at that, "Now who is the real lady here?"

"N/A, we don't have time e to argue, En is already yon his way" Fukuyama way right. Kaiman was fully exposed in this weird costume of his and me in a red dress, everyone would notice us when we leave the garden party. Despite all that, a small problem returned to haunt me. Kikurage was back, "Nyaa?" (Where have you been?) It began to scratch the end of my dress, "...Nyaa...aaa...aaa" (Hug meee) This time, it wasn't me that got annoyed, it was the lizard man. The constant sound of that creature got on his nerves, grabbing the cat thing into his hands and...

"NYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA............."

I looked up towards the wall, "You didn't"

Kaiman nodded, "I did."

You could still hear it in the distance, "...aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa....."

"How far did you throw it?"

He shrugged, "I pretend it was a baseball, could be a few feet away."

"Or miles" I added.

Even so, he got rid of that creature; the last thing was to get towards the van. The business was booming, Tanba and Asuka couldn't keep up with the orders. This is where Fukuyama parts ways with us, "Kaiman gets back into his outfit ad you wear this." I had to dress up as Tanba. That way, we could leave the party without worry. Before we left, he got inside the van. That only made me even more furious. For all I know, En might have noticed that I disappeared already and is searching for me, or even worse, his cleaners are..., "Kaiman, hurry!!!" But as soon as we stood at the gates, two servants looked at me, "Trouble with your wife again?"

I looked at the guard, then at Kaiman.

The lizard man took over, "He is just annoyed that I wanted some time for...myself. A lady needs her time to powder her nose."

I shook my head, "I don't know him, never seen him in my life."

The guards got confused, "He?"

While I didn't know what to say, Kaiman really got into his role, "I had a hard life you see, it is not easy looking like this...with a hot body, muscles like a goddess. But my husband looked over that, values more than just my godly looks. That is why I married him, isn't that right honey?"

I shrugged, "I have?...you did? Must have had one too many that day", making a gesture that looked like I was drinking.

Playfully, Kaiman nudged my side, "Oh my love, what would you be without me?"

"...a happy man..."

"Hahahaha, such a joker. May we pass gentleman? We got a carpet to catch for our honeymoon."

"Oh and where is it going?" asked one of them curious.

I grumbled, "Hell"

The two looked at each other, letting us through.

In the distance, they could still see us, arguing about...a horn...taking too long...lady man...and more bizarre things. One of the guards sighted sad, "Oh man..."

The other nodded, "I know, I feel sorry for the guy too."

"...where did he find a woman like that?"

"Probably in some run down pub, he did said he had too many."

Another sight left his lips, "...She sure is hot...lucky guy."

"Eh?!"

At that moment, Kaiman sneezed loud.

Ignoring his runny nose, I snorted, "You sure are a piece of work. You could have told me about this role play of yours"

"We were in a hurry"

"Ah yes and why?" I pretended to be Kaiman at the toilet, "It was more important to take a piss at that time!" He didn't want to argue with me anymore, crossing his arms in front of his chest, looking elsewhere, "At least I had some time to finish it."

"You said you weren't!" Suddenly, I realized, "Whoa, hold on a minute. What exactly did you do in the van?"

"Just finished what you stopped."

I stood there, shaking my head, "You didn't."

He shrugged, "I just returned what I took."

At the garden party, Fukuyama served out bottles with apple juice...thankfully...she noticed the smell very quick, "Ehm boss...how old are those bottles?"