TW: Wound care, mention of scars
Suicidal thoughts/ talking about dying
anxiety
depression
_________________________________________
Days later
"Today is the big day, isn't it? Are you excited?" Chrissy beams at me happily, while she enters the room with the discharge papers.
I nod and notice the usual sinking feeling in my stomach.
The fear that lurks in my body for a moment of weakness.
I let my gaze wander around the hospital room. The table, where the team placed the buffet, the seating area where everyone talked and laughed, my bed where I was allowed to fall asleep in Emily's arms every evening.
This room has been my safe space lately. This is where Emily and I hid from the world while I tried to heal.
This is where Emily held me when I was mentally back in the basement, this is where Chrissy helped me shower when I couldn't do it myself.
Here I cried silently at night while Emily slept next to me.
Here I asked myself what to do next and always postponed these thoughts until later.
This later is waiting for me now.
I don't know what awaits me out there.
The thought of leaving this place scares me.
What if they're out there waiting for me? What if they catch me again?
I won't survive a second time.
Maybe it would be better too...
"Where's your other half?" Chrissy snaps me out of my thoughts as she prepares a final bandage change.
"Emily went Home and quickly gets the car. She really wanted to drive me home herself." I say, mock rolling my eyes.
She is and remains a gentlewoman.
She drove reluctantly this morning because she didn't wanted to leave me alone.
But the thought of her own shower and a change of wardrobe convinced her.
"Okay, then we'll do it together. I'm being extra careful, okay?"
Chrissy says, waiting for my approval.
"Don't worry, my courage won't fail me at the last minute."
I answer, forcing myself to smile.
Chrissy starts changing the bandages on my cleavage while keeping a close eye on my reaction.
"The wounds heal very well. The cuts here can continue to heal without a plaster." Chrissy says as she inspects the fresh scars.
I just nod as I bite my lip and try to breathe as controlled as possible.
I turn my gaze to the ceiling and lift my shirt so she can inspect my stomach.
"The cut on your stomach is also healing well, but I would leave the plaster on for a while, to best protect the healing process. You know how to change it yourself, right?" She pauses and looks at me questioningly.
"Yeah, I know, don't worry."
I say and just hope she finishes quickly.
Even though the wounds all heal well and hardly hurt anymore, the sight still makes me upset.
"Let's get to the legs." She says as calmly as possible, but we both know that's the hardest part.
I shakily stand up, pulling down my loose sweatpants and letting them fall to my feet before quickly sitting back down on the edge of the bed before I get dizzy.
Chrissy kneels down in front of me and carefully removes the plaster on my thigh.
"That looks good too. But I would leave the plasters on for a bit, if that's okay with you?" She suggests as she applies a new band-aid.
I continue to breathe controlledly through clenched teeth and stare at the ceiling.
I am safe. I am safe. I am safe....
"And last but not least, the knee."
She states, sinking back onto her heels and patting her knee invitingly while I lift my leg with all my strength and place it on her knee.
Tears well up in my eyes and Chrissy notices immediately.
"Y/N are you okay? Should we take a break?"
She asks, looking me over closely to see if I'm still responsive.
I just shake my head and wipe away the tears defiantly, frustrated that my emotions are always so obvious.
YOU ARE READING
I See you, Y/N. (Emily Prentiss X Reader)
Fanfiction"I'm living in hell. At least that's how it feels. But it's okay because I don't know any different. You can get used to anything if you think it's meant to be." Y/n is living her life in the hell of her childhood home until the BAU frees her. After...
