I See you, Y/N. (Emily Prentiss X Reader)

-45- farewell

TW: Anxiety, Panic
Homophobia
        Selfharm thoughts/Razors
______________________________

Y/N's POV

Half an hour passes and Emily is still not back.
I'm still sitting on the bed, rocking my foot up and down, even though it hurts my knee.

No matter, my tension has to go somewhere.
And somehow the pain is good.
It distracts me from my worries.

Even though we've talked about everything and Emily has apologized, a small sad thought is still sitting deep inside me, piercing my heart like a sharp splinter and telling me that something is wrong.

Maybe she's sorry for me?
Maybe my mother is right?
Has she noticed that I'm just a burden?
Broken, beyond repair?

Where could she be?
Why doesn't she come back?

I look at the bouquet of flowers lying next to me.
My fingers stroke the soft leaves of the flowers and I imagine Emily standing in the flower shop and choosing exactly this bouquet for me. 
A smile crosses my face at the thought of her wrinkling her nose and chewing on her lower lip as her fingers run over the different flowers.
How she considers which flowers best convey her thoughts.

she made the perfect choice.
The bouquet says
'I love you'
I'm sorry'
I know you'.

It's so beautiful.

Another half hour passes.
Worry has given way to fear.
I hobble up and down the room, chewing on my lower lip as my fingers drum against my collarbone.

She left me.
Or did something happen to her?
Oh God.

I decide to write to JJ.

Y/N: Hey JJ, have you seen Emily, is she with you?

JJ: no, I thought she was with you.
You were going to come over together, weren't you?

I notice that the panic is creeping up inside me and tightening my throat. 
I try to breathe, but I can't get enough air, no matter how hard I try.

There's a knock on the door.

I rush over and open it, my knee giving way beneath me and I tip slightly to the side.

"Em?" I ask breathlessly, leaning against the door frame, stars dancing in front of my eyes and my throat tightening.

JJ and Tara are standing in front of the door and looking at me in surprise.

When they see the look on my face, their surprise gives way to pure concern.

"What's wrong, Y/N?" Tara asks, putting a hand on my waist as she enters the room.

I lean against her shoulder and let her guide me to the bed, grateful for the support.

She carefully puts me down and sinks to her knees in front of me before folding her hands over my knee and looking up at me.