I See you, Y/N. (Emily Prentiss X Reader)

-51- meaningless darkness

TW: Coma
         Suicide
         Wounds
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Emily's POV

"Emily, we have an hour. Then it's handover time and a new nurse will take over the night shift.
You have to be back in your bed by then, okay?" JJ explains to me as she fastens the wheelchair's brakes and rushes to the edge of the bed to help me up.
I try again to lift myself up, but my legs don't really support me, so I reluctantly let JJ help me into the wheelchair.

I hate being so dependent, but if I get to Y/N like this, it's worth it.

I thank JJ weakly, who smiles lovingly away before becoming serious again.
"And you have to promise me to take care of yourself, no sudden movements, no attempts to walk or anything like that, okay?"
JJ leans forward to give me a serious look.

I nod slowly and feel nervousness bubbling up inside me.

Will Y/N still be angry with me?
How is she doing?

JJ pushes the wheelchair unnoticed down the long yellow corridor and presses the  Elevator button.

I breathe in and out slowly, trying to ignore the throbbing pain in my shoulder that is hard to bear while sitting.

But I have to endure this, I have to get to Y/N.

And no physical pain is as bad as what is going on in my head right now.

The words I said to Y/N echo in my head over and over and I feel sick thinking about how she must have felt.

This thing with...this thing with us.
I can't do this. It's...wrong."

I seduced her and made her please me.
We never loved each other.
I never loved her."

I am a terrible person.
I hurt the woman I love so much.
What kind of person does something like that.

Silent tears run down my cheeks as the elevator doors open again and JJ pushes me purposefully through a blue hallway.
It's much quieter here than on my floor, no patients walk around, the few visitors you see look pale and worried.

Death seems to be in the air, or at least that's how it feels.

I shudder and worry about Y/N increases again.

I hope she's okay.
If she doesn't want to see me, that's okay.
But please let her be okay.

"So, here we are...oh, Emily, are you OK?"
JJ had leaned forward to show me which door leads to Y/N when she noticed the tears on my face.
She crouches down next to the wheelchair and looks at me worriedly as she takes my hands.
"Are you in pain?" She asks worriedly, but I just shake my head.
"What's wrong, Emily. Talk to me."
She asks, stroking the back of my hand.

"What if she never wants to see me again, JJ?"
I ask quietly, barely able to suppress a sob.
"What if s-she h-hates me?"
I add with a shaky voice, squeezing JJ's hands tightly as I express my biggest concern so openly and honestly.