Media Secret: Hidden Johansson

Reset and breathe

The smell of gunpowder fills my nose with the loud bang that startles me away jolting up in bed covered in sweat the sheets soaked through once again and I bring myself back slowly and carefully. Counting- 1 think I can taste, the faint taste of toothpaste left in my mouth from when I went to sleep, 2 things I can smell, the apple and cinnamon candle that gave me something to focus my mind on reminding me of Switzerland as well as the faint smell of my shampoo from my shower before bed, 3 things I can hear the sound of a few cars outside my window, the ticking of my clock on the wall and the birds outside my window slowly awaking for the day. 4 things I can touch. The cotton sheets benith my fingertips, the soft carpet under my feet, the wooden bedside shelf that is cool under my fingertips and the remote control for the blinds. 5 things I can see the photo of myself rose and my mother on the wall, the blinds slowly creeping up the window, the pinkish orange sky as the sun rises, the empty street in front of my house, and finally the crack in the windowsill.

I stretch my body and take a few seconds more to fully remember where I and that I am in control. Taking a deep breath I grab my clothes and put on my shoes on the bottom step by the front door. I place my phone in my pocket and my cap on my head, I step out the door locking it behind me. Walking the small path out into the street through the modem gate Ensuring it's closed behind me.

As I go out in the early morning of December at 5 a.m. in Los Angeles, the suburbs are bathed in a soft and silvery light. The sky is a mixture of pale pinks, oranges and blues as the sun begins to rise, throwing a soft glow on the quiet streets. The air is fresh but not cold, a reminder of the mild winters of Los Angeles.

Walking through the tree-lined streets, I notice that the lawns and gardens are still green, although there is a slight glow of dew on the grass. The streetlights are always on, their warm light mixing with the emerging dawn. Palm trees and occasional holiday decorations create a unique and festive atmosphere, with sparkling lights and ornaments adding a touch of joy in the early morning.

The neighbourhood is mostly quiet, with just the sound of leaves rustling in the gentle breeze and a few birds starting their morning songs. The houses are dark and motionless, their people not yet awake. From time to time, I see an early riser, maybe a jogger or someone walking his dog, nodding a quiet salutation by the way.

This first hour is peaceful and calm, a perfect moment of solitude before the city wakes up. The light is getting brighter and brighter, promising another beautiful sunny day in Los Angeles. I breathe deeply, savouring the freshness of the morning and the fEeling of tranquillity that accompanies it.

I push to open the door of the small cafe and a soft bell announces my arrival. The place is empty, just as I was hoping it would be at this hour. The rich and comforting aroma of freshly brewed coffee fills the air, mixing with the faint scent of pastries.

Sunlight flows through the large windows, casting a warm, golden glow on the wooden tables and chairs, which sit in quiet anticipation of customers of the day. The barista, busy behind the counter, offers me a friendly nod and a smile, the only other person in this serene space.

I choose a corner table near the window, the wood cools to the touch. Outside, the suburb is just starting to move, but in here, it's like a private sanctuary. The buzz of the espresso machine and the sweet jink of the cups are the only sounds, a relaxing backdrop for my thoughts.

As I sip my tea, savoring its warmth and depth, I look around the cosy and inviting decor: framed images of local scenes, shelves lined with books and jars of coffee beans, soft lighting that creates a cosy atmosphere. The tranquillity is perfect, offering a rare moment of peace before the day unfolds.

I take another sip and breathe deeply, appreciating this quiet and almost peaceful bliss in the empty cafe.

Time to face the day. After returning my mug to counter giving a polite thank you I head out and walk my way home to get my car and head over to mums for pre-christmas eve.

Taking the same route home more people starting to wake up in the morning, the blinds and curtains opening up for the day, more cars starting up in the driveways.

As I make my way up to my own driveway I slide into my car taking a few deep breaths and start up my car and take the small drive over too my mums house.

I pull up into the driveway i slide out my chair almost numb to the world as I head inside to the kitchen to grab a bottle of water.

"You look like shit" the words make me jump a lot more than they should have done but when you used to your families usual schedual you don't tend to anticipate someone up early and in the kitchen.

I look around to find the voice that is attached to the person. Just as I'm starting to think I have lost my mind even more, Colin says standing up after grabbing a frying pan from the cupboard below him.

"Just processing life and this will be the first Christmas I have been back for in a few years. I don't want rose to miss out on things because of me."

He give me a sad smile as he nods prosessing my words. "I know this will be hard for you it's hard for all of us, and we will ensure both you and rose have an amazing Christmas. Just try and relax you don't have to be the one to look after us. That's our job as your parents all 4 of us." He makes his way around the island and wraps me in a hug and although I didn't think it was nessersay I can feel my body deflate and take in the safe comfort of being home for the first time in years.