HIS REGRET (1st BOOK) 18+

THIRTY : QUADE

"Get up you idiot",Cleo screams.
My eyes burn,my head aching like bitch and suddenly the memories comes back from last night,I feel the pain all over again.
"Tell me everything,how was she,what you guys talked about,is she ready to give you a chance?",she asks me all at once.
"One question at a time baby,but the way he is right now I Don't think anything good happened",Rio says and Cleo turns towards me.
"I'm tried please just leave me for one day,is that a lot to do?",I ask them.
"What happened Quade?",cleo asks.
"I don't wanna talk about it,can you guys please leave",I plead them.
"Today is your mom's 10th year death anniversary remember,are you not gonna visit her?",guilt takes over me,I'm sorry mom I forgot I'm so sorry.

I got up from my bed and went to take shower,I stay in shower for more than 30 minutes,my body is weighing me down from all the tiredness,no matter how many times I try not to think,my mind keeps on remembering Nea in someone else's arm.

It's already noon when I woke up,by the time we reached graveyard it was 4pm,Rio and cleo kept the flowers and went near the car,told me to take time,that they will be waiting for me.
I sit beside my mom's grave,why is everyone leaving me,my dad was a bastard to begin with,my mom,she was the sweetest then again she was taken away from me and the most precious person in my life right now is not mine anymore.

"Mom,you know I wanted to take Nea here to introduce you to her,even before I realized I love her,but now I can't bring her,I don't know why but I really had this hope that one day she will take me back but I think I'm late again",I say as my eyes fill with tears.
"I lost her mom,I lost her,I never thought that the day would come where I have to give up on her,I don't know what to do anymore mom,you should've been here to tell me,why is it this so hard,I will come and visit you again, love you mom and I really miss you",I got up and said goodbye to my mom and went back to the car where Rio and Cleo were waiting,everything right now is too much for me,when they see me they don't talk to me,I'm so glad they didn't.

It's almost 6 in the evening when I came back home,I needed to clear my mind,I wanted to go somewhere,where no one can find me,but somehow I ended going to a place where I had my first kiss with Nea in the rain.
There are woods beside the road,I want to sit somewhere and calm myself.

When I was going inside the woods,I hear someone talking and when I followed that voice,I knew it was Nea's and I see Nea leaning into that person I saw outside of Nea's house,I thought she only took me here,but I guess I'm wrong,she really did moved on.
I immediately turn around and was about to leave before I hear Nea saying,
"Do you remember the first time we met here almost 8 years ago,where I came all pissed because of that rumor,that bastard in my college who was spreading?",she asks to that person.
"Yup and I came because of that one friend who talked about my sexuality?",he says to Nea.

What is happening here right now,they knew for amlost 8 years?
He was and is in her life before I even came.
What about Sexuality?
What does that supposed to mean?
"Basically this is our place,don't you think?",Nea says to him.
"Yes it is",he says.

There place?
Why does it hurt,I know Nea never said that this place belongs to us,but somehow I was convinced that this place was our place because it held a special moment of Us even though I was too late to realize.

"I think we have a energy of pulling problems and pain towards us",he says and she laughs.
It's been so long since I see her laughing,instantly I smile,only she can make me do anything she wants.

"I took him once here,that night was really beautiful,you know I wanted to almost freeze the moment if I could",she says to him giving a sad smile.
My heart beats faster,she is talking about ME.
He looks at her almost warmly.
He knows about me?
Was Nea staying with him for 2 years?
Who is he?

"Warren",she says almost quietly.
"Hmm?"
"It's been five years,did you able to forget my brother?",she asks him.
So his name is Warren,
what was that about forgetting Nick?
Does that mean Nick and Warren were dating before?
Does that mean Nea and Warren are just friends.
The relief that washes over me is something I cannot even begin to explain.

He just watches her and asks,"what do you want Nea?",
"I still love him Warren,so much that it hurts,but I Don't want to love him anymore,I don't know If I want to run into him again but what if I did and what if I see him with someone else,its just hurting me more to think,I want to completely forget about him Warren",she says her voice breaking.

I don't know how to feel right now,should I be happy because she still loves me?
Or should I be heartbroken because she wants to forget about me?
She thinks I moved on with someone else?
How will I ever tell her that SHE IS THE ONLY ONE.
I don't know how I can live with that,the thought of her completely forgetting about me and only I will be remembering her for the rest of my life.
I feel week in my knees,before I could sense anything I fell on my knees,my knees hitting the ground with a thud sound,small rocks are digging Into my skin but it doesn't hurt the way my heart is hurting right now.

Nea and Warren turn around,I watch her face completely now,she looks as beautiful as she was,I give her a sad smile,she got up quickly,she is panicking and without glancing at me again,she walks away beside me,my anxiety arises as I feel like I will lose her if I don't stop her now.
I quickly get up and run towards her,
"Nea stop,please Nea",I call out for her but she keeps on running away from me,so I quickly run and tug her closely from behind,I feel like I can finally breathe, weather is so cold but having her in arms makes it warm,she always been warm.