My Posh idiot (BOOK 2)

15💞

Iman Harriott ~

Alex: That man you call your ex, defo wants to be more than that

I rolled my eyes at the text message that was sent through on my phone by Alex.

Me: Stop being a fool

No for real, the same way I was joking with Alistair, is the same way I joke with Alex. I'm not saying I'm a harlot and that and I mess around with all my male co workers- because that is something I definitely do not do.

I quickly placed my phone into my bag, as I was soon approaching the therapy centre, which was actually called 'Sunflower and co private therapy clinic centre'.

They had big black tall gates that blocked the building and the only way I could get into the premises, was to buzz myself into the radio, so they knew I was a visitor.

The gates finally opened and I was told where to go to get entry into the building. I took into the space of the room, as I took a seat in the waiting room. It was big and white, nothing too serious, interior wise but it was alright.

"You must be Iman Harriott" A black man with a charming smile approached me

"Yes- that'll be me" I smiled at him, taking my hand to shake his

"I'm Dr Rashid, I'll be your therapist for your taster session today"

***

"What has brought you here today Iman?" Dr Rashid asked, as he folded his legs, getting comfortable in his chair

"For starters, I feel like all my problems would've went away if I came to therapy earlier..." I laughed

No really, why am I doing this in my thirties now?

"Therapy has no age limit Iman, you being in here no matter what age you are is a huge step"

"I guess that's true..." I muttered "...I think there was an error with how I dealt with some of my past trauma"

"What traumas are those?" Dr Rashid asked, now getting a pen and paper

"Basically my whole uni experience at Oxford." I summed it up "there was a boy, he is now one of the leading mps in parliament- his name is Harry Villers...he raped me during my first year of uni- Wow I can't believe I just said that"

"Why do you say that?" Dr Rashid asked with an intrigued look on his face

"The last part?" I asked and he nodded "I think it could be because of shame. I didn't know how to deal with it for so long and I felt embarrassed. So being able to open my mouth confidently and say aloud that Harry raped me is a lot"

"What triggered this significant moment in your life, for your trauma to come back?" Dr Rashid asked

"It was last week. I saw Harry on the news as a girl named Amaya Munishi accused Harry of raping her. My talkshow wanted to interview her and I didn't want that to happen due to fear but it still happened anyways. The night before the interview, I had sleep paralysis. I remember loud music and people talking but one voice that was very distinctive from the others repeating "you can't escape me". I also felt a figure coming close to me as much as that very voice becoming louder and demeaning. The next day was so shambolic for me. I went into a spiral of breaking down and started getting into my habits of unnecessary spending of money" I finished explaining, as Dr Rashid jotted some more notes

"Are you still having those particular sleep paralysis and unnecessary spending of the money?"

"Sleep paralysis- no, but I'd never know if they'd appear again and neither would the unnecessary spending of the money." I honestly told him "When I tried to come to terms with my rape in uni, instead of sleep paralysis, I had a lot of reoccurring nightmares- they were really bad..."

I started to doze off into my own world for a bit. Those nightmares were not it and probably was one of the lowest points of my life. I was scared to go to sleep for the longest time. I'd do everything in my power to get myself to sleep and when I do, I remind myself I'm about to sleep and wake up again. I'd be so fucking tired for uni, I stopped attending my lectures because of it.

"...those nightmares stopped after a couple of months, but there is no telling that those would come back as well. I thought they'd be gone, but after last week, I have no clue"

"...hmm can you describe what was happening in your nightmares to me?"

"My nightmares was just like my sleep paralysis."

"How did those nightmares stop?"

He's asking too many questions

"I'm not really too sure when, but I do remember forcing myself to get over my rape because I was never going to report it and then the nightmares suddenly went away"

"Mhm" Dr Rashid released, jotting down his final notes

"Iman, there is something that you are running away from at this very moment and your sleep paralysis and nightmares are a clear indication of how you actually feel inside. You put on this front that your trauma doesn't affect you, but it really does and you need to stop bottling how you really feel or it won't be a great situation for you in the future-" Dr Rashid started off "- An example of this is what you told me happen to you last week. You bottled your true feelings for so long, thinking you're over how badly your rape affected you, but instead of this you've instilled fear and that is what's keeping you up at night and causing you to run away- fear..."

"...And I can see that you have noticed that already, but we have to keep this self awareness up in order for you to be relieved from your trauma fully. Fear is your biggest enemy at the moment, not the people that won't believe you, not Harry that raped you- fear is. You cannot possibly put yourself first when fear is in the way of everything that stopping you from being the best version of yourself. You need to learn to do what's best for yourself and not what's best for others, and that starts with accepting that you are afraid"