My Posh idiot (BOOK 2)

60💕

⚠️ MILD MENTIONING OF R*PE!

Iman Harriott ~

The tears escaped on my cheeks, one after another. They were unstoppable. Alex has never seen me like this his expression is so unreadable at the moment, but if I'm crying like this in front of him, I must feel safe to express myself like this towards him.

"...I thought that maybe because we are older, he'd know what he'd want, but he still doesn't...and I was stupid enough to believe that he'd want me fully, knowing that he's married..." I laugh through my sniffles "...I kept my guard up for so long because I knew this would be the outcome. He gave me so much hope that he'd actually want me for real this time and when I decide to open up and open up one time...it's just gone so downhill from there..."

"Why did you guys break up in the first place?" He asked, causing me to laugh again knowing he was going to view me so differently

"Why did we break up in the first place?..." I asked the question back with sarcasm "...why did we even date in the first place is a question you're gonna be asking me afterwards, I wouldn't blame you for calling me all sorts afterwards"

"Iman everyone makes mistakes, I'm not gonna judge you for what you did a whole decade ago" Alex shrugged his shoulders

"He was a raging Tory and I just had to be that POC dumb enough to fall in love with everything I was against because my dumbass thought I could fix him. He hated me- hated me so bad that he blamed me for my rape in order to save himself for not being there for me on that night. It took me that incident to take place to realise I deserved better and here I am in the same boat realising I deserved better again."

Now looking back, I believe if that never took place, I don't know if I would've left him. I remember being in so deep with him and I could tell he was too, but not the way I was. I would've willingly allowed him to continue to degrade me. It's probably my karma.

"Rah...I never would've suspected that from him I can't lie..."

"Right...he disguised that persona of his really well...well in his words, he says he's 'changed'..." I quoted "...I thought it would be one of those things where it was a right person, wrong time kind of thing, but it's still the same old fucking Alistair when it comes to me"

"Rah does he not know a good thing when it comes his way it seems..."

"You're only saying that because you think that way" I scoffed upsettingly

"I mean I'm not lying, but any man would be lucky to have you. The circumstance you're in right now is sticky, but the fact that he's having an affair with his ex and he still doesn't know what he wants...is crazy"

"Right-" I agreed "-and every single fucking time he feels that I'm going to leave, he wants to act right. He thought I'd still want him after he told me the actual truth on why he blamed me instead of Harry, what makes him think I'm going to stay because he still wants to be with his wife in some way. That's his wife at the end of the day, there's only so much I can do..." I felt a lump appear in my throat, as my sadness threatened to reappear

"Do you still want him after all of this?" Alex asked me

"If I wanted him, I would've never called you and I'd still be there with him" I blankly said

"Right, but did you do this based on a pride thing or because you actually wanted to?" Alex explained further on his question "I saw the way you looked at him when I got there Iman. It was like you were forcing yourself to leave...or I could be wrong innit, only you know what you want..."

It was silent between us for a bit, as I was thinking of the right things to say. Like my feelings can't just disappear for Alistair like that, but at the same time, I need to learn how to respect myself and not allow myself to be treated as a second option.