My Posh idiot (BOOK 2)

50💕

Alistair Ryle ~

"So what is taking you so long then. I don't want to force you to make your decision for you, but you told me you're falling for me. You buy me gifts, you make me food, we text and call each other all the time, you've even stayed over. You cannot stay away from me and I don't want you to. I knew what I was getting into, but my heart cannot take it anymore, I want to be with you- I don't want to be with no one else- Do you still love Alana?"...

I kept on replaying the same sentences over and over again, from the conversations Iman and I had earlier. I couldn't help it. I was going crazy in my head all day at work and when I came home. It was all I could think about.

This was probably the first time Iman properly opened up to me on how she feels about us. I am grateful that her stylist had knocked on the door, as I was scared on what my response was going to be when it was time to respond to her.

I have been going back on my thoughts on what I should do and how I should feel when it comes to Alana and Iman. It seems to me that Iman has her mind all made up, and so do I. I want to be with her. I've always wanted to be with her, it's just I do not know when the right time that will be.

The thought of her telling me that she was upset last night, made me feel like pure shit. I couldn't be there to comfort her, to wipe her tears, to be by her side. I understand why she did not want to continue further due to her feelings. I should have respected her wishes and left her alone, but I'm selfish, I want her just as much as she wants me.

I cannot imagine another man loving her, kissing her, making love to her better than I could. I don't think she could imagine another woman loving me, kissing me or making love to me better than she could. No woman has ever made me feel the way Iman does. I thought Alana had changed that perspective for me, but I was wrong.

It also goes back to the last question that I did not expect Iman to ask, but I should know better. I should've expected it sooner or later.

I know I don't love Alana like I used to before I came across Iman once again, but I cannot tell her that I don't love her. I cannot think of any way I can put into terms to Iman, that won't upset her. As long as Iman knows there is still a type of love I hold for Alana, she will be upset.

Iman has broken up with me before and she didn't fail to let me know that we cannot get back together again. This could be the last time that I would ever get this chance again. I cannot loose her. I don't know what I would do if I didn't have her and trying to sort it out with Alana would not be the right way.

Iman Harriott ~

All my emotions had calmed down, as my main focus was getting through this protest. It is supposed to be peaceful and I want to feel peaceful. Not angry because I don't even know how to feel when it comes to the files I read.

The police were there- I am not shocked. Do they really see us as a threat? Because if I'm not mistaken, police are known to incite violence unnecessarily but that is a conversation for another day. When the edl come up to "protest", I want them to stand high and mighty with their armour, the same way they did us.

A few speeches were made and a few chants were sang here and there as we marched. Amaya decided to make a speech herself, as everybody applauded her. I really do admire her a lot. If it wasn't for her, I don't even think I'd be in this position right now. I don't think I'd be tackling with my trauma and dealing with it properly. I owe Alistair for changing my mind about bringing her on the show, but he doesn't need to know that and he certainly won't be getting a thank you as well, once I get to the bottom of his riot club days.

I was admired, that I found myself going to make a speech right after her. I did not know what I was going to say. I said I would speak out, but I didn't say when. I did not know if I was going to show Amaya my appreciation or thank everyone for coming, but that would be a waste as I did not even organise it.

I looked around at the women that stood before me, but it was too late for me to even back down as Amaya had passed me the microphone.

"This should be easy for me since I have a talkshow..." I laughed of nervously

No seriously it should be, why the hell am I shaking?

I just know someone is filming this real time, how embarrassing is this.

"...but no this is not a talkshow, it is a protest against violence men have committed towards women-" I changed my tone to a serious tone "- For something planned at last minute, and the amount of women that have come here today, whether we had work, kids or weren't working at all- it shows how we can all come together and support one another and we must continue to do it everyday, so they know we will not stop fighting until they hear us..."

"...You know I really want to thank Amaya personally in front of everyone today, as if it wasn't for her, I wouldn't even have the courage to be here today. To be a voice, a supporter, a friend and a survivor- not a victim..." I started to begin telling my truth "...I like how we chose to protest near parliament, because someone- so many of them are the reason why we are protesting in the first place. Scary right? We should trust them to run this very country in order to feel safe, but how the hell can we when a person like Harry Villers feels like it's okay to make women feel the opposite of that..."

"Yes, the Harry Villers. The very same Harry Villers that this country gave more power to, took mine away during my first year of university. They deemed him as a 'womaniser', I asked around and many girls thought the opposite. He drugged me. He raped me and if no one had come to my aid, god knows what other sickly acts he could've done-"

I did not want to go into detail, as me saying that he raped me, made me want to drop. I wanted to stay strong, I did not want to look like a bitch. That twat has silenced me for so long, I need him gone.

"- Some may say why did you wait 10 plus years to speak out. I thought my feelings or words did not matter. I knew how people treated women for coming forward, imagine a black woman coming forward. Women of colour, black women do not get the same grace when it comes to these situations, period. I was scared of the stereotypes that would stick to me, because I was exposing a white man in power. So I tricked my mind to forget about it...instead I'm here finding ways not to crash out, because he ruined my life. Well this is the last time he'll ever ruin my life, Amaya's life or any women that had to suffer due to a wasteman like that..."

Feeling myself wanting to curse every single bad word out of my mouth, the minute the word 'wasteman' came out of my mouth, I handed the microphone back to Amaya.

Alex was right, it feels like a big weight has lifted of my shoulders, but all I kept on hearing in my head was "I need to go to the police station".

Thoughts drowned out the background noise of the crowd, when Mariah got a hold of me.

"I need to go to the police station" I kept on saying to her

"We should go tomorrow, so your head is in the right-"

"I said I need to go to the police station!" I prompted

"Damn girl okay, we are going..."

A/N: I will release another chapter tomorrow, I would like to release another one but I'm just not very well and I did not want to have my readers wait tomorrow for this update either.

Hopefully you enjoyed this chapter, now that everything is slowly coming out of the dark.

I'm really sorry that it's taken long to reach to this stage of the story, but I promise that you will not be disappointed🥹