My Posh idiot (BOOK 2)

62💞

⚠️ MENTION OF R*APE AND TRIGGERING BREAKDOWN

Iman Harriott ~

We happened to run slightly over time, as I started to really open myself up to Dr Rashid. I asked him if we could continue but he said he had a client. I was saddened because I knew I couldn't wait until next week to see him. So I begged him if he had an available spot later or even tomorrow. I even said I'd pay extra if that would get me a couple more minutes to get Alistair off my chest. He laughed and told me there was no need to pay extra as he said he'd be able to fit me in later at 7pm.

So here we are again, this time I'm in a comfortable set of clothing which is a pair of matching light pink sweats and a jumper.

"So back to where we left off..." Dr Rashid took a sip from his mug "...I remember a couple of weeks back when I had noticed that something was bothering you, but you never confirmed to me what it could be at the time. We touched on I believe a man that you started to become romantically involved with..."

The memories quickly flushed in my brain, at that very moment. Even though I had a lovely time with Adonis, my mind was on Alistair. I should've been happy that I was able to date again after being with Cole, but I couldn't.

"I remember- we met during Dimitri's wedding. He was his cousin actually..." I slightly laughed at the irony

"Was Alistair at the wedding?" He asked me "I just wanted to ask as you mentioned a few hours ago that the two of you share the same friends..."

"Yes, he was there"

"Did the two of you talk?"

We did more than talking...

The flashbacks that decided to harbour my thoughts, brought me back to when he me fucked over the counter. The way his big hands caressed all over my body, fondling with my breasts, as he continued to pound me mercilessly, in the kitchen. To be touched by him, oh how I fucking missed the way he touched me.

I reverted to normal, from my dirty thoughts "Yes we did talk...and we kissed and we had sex...basically he was having an affair behind his wife's back with me" I decided to drop a bomb "reasons why I could not be happy on that day when I told you I had met someone else because I still managed to develop feelings for my ex. I didn't think that was possible since he messed me up so bad, but I'm still messed up if I have these unresolved feelings for him- why would an ex go back to the man who did not care about her?"

"It is normal for an ex to go back to someone, that they believe is undeserving of their love" Dr Rashid validated my feelings

"But why though?" I felt crazy asking him "One half of me feels this shame, but the other half doesn't" I tried to explain

"Factors such as trauma bonding, fear of being alone, idealisation, hope for change in a partner or low self-esteem issues etcetera, are some of the reasons why an ex would continue going back to their partner, knowing that they shouldn't..." Dr Rashid explained "...but in your case, I cannot tell as yet, as I need a clearer picture of what happened between you and Alistair"

"Well I definitely know it wasn't no damn trauma bonding" I made clear

Alistair was having the time of his life being a bigot...what is there to bond about???

"What do you think?" Dr Rashid asked, "It's not a right or wrong answer, it's about how you feel..."

"I think it was change...I could see change within him, but I don't know if that change would've ever come about if I wasn't raped or if I had never met him. I broke up with him and when he realised he could never have me again, that's when he wanted to be the man that I should've deserved. This is not an observation- he told me himself and now that I think about it, it sounds hella backhanded. To be honest, knowing that I was his reminder to not fuck up, always pissed me off, but I never told him that, I just kept it to myself..." I stated "...What's worse is that he gets to be the perfect husband for his perfect white wife- she doesn't have to undergo that side of Alistair that I did. He treats her how I should've been treated. That has always pissed me off, but maybe I can say I envy her. She has the man that everyone wants which is ironic because if they knew what he was about back in uni, nobody would touch him..." I expressed, feeling grateful that I released this