My Posh idiot (BOOK 2)

21💞

Iman Harriott ~

"As troubling as it may sound and feel, I had to forgive him in order to move on-"

"Sorry?!" I was baffled "how do I forgive that?"

"When you forgive someone that has raped you, you're not forgiving them, but forgiving them for yourself..." Amaya started "...Harry is every single bad word in that book and it's not our fault that he's that way. The people that built him up to become this monster is the reason why he is the way he is. It took me a while to realise it was never my fault and it was all his and everyone that failed him..."

"...once I was able to accept that, I was able to forgive him for what he had done to me. But I will never forget. I also realised all the emotions that was pent up because of Harry, quickly went away as well. Have you ever tried talking to anyone about it Iman?"

I thought long and hard in my head about that question.

"I mean I've spoken to people about it, but not like deeply to anyone..." I shrugged my shoulders "...I blocked it out of my memory because it was affecting me to a point of suicide, I couldn't talk to anyone about it like that"

"I think you should try to talk about it to other women who have been in your shoes. It's not something to be ashamed of, you're a survivor Iman"

"I wish I could've survived anything else but that..." I rolled my eyes

***

Alana Josephine Ryle ~

"Do you have any more questions...concerns?..." Dr Ruth asked me

"Nope, I think that sums up everything that I've been told today" I shared a tight lipped smile, knowing I felt like utter shit inside

"Okay, well that is your appointment finished for today, once you've finalised your decision with your significant other, I will process you for the next step"

"Thank you" I stood up from my chair, shaking my hand with the doctor before leaving the room

I have had issues with my menstrual cycle since I was a teen. I didn't pay any mind to it because having skipped cycles, meant I didn't have to go through the pain and the aches of period cramps and non stop bleeding.

Now that I'm at an age of starting a family, my menstrual cycle is now concerning me. Hence why I wasn't ready to start a family with Alistair as yet. I wanted to get pregnant before we got married because I loved him that much. I did not want to disappoint Alistair with making it known that there was a huge possibility that I may not be able to have children.

I wouldn't know how he'd act- I don't even want to imagine that. It's all he's ever wanted as so have I. But if I can't give that too him, now what?

I took the day off from work today, so I could have this appointment alone. Alistair didn't know that I booked an appointment to see doctor Ruth about my possibilities of getting pregnant.

Alistair has fucked me like there was no tomorrow and every pregnancy test I took came back negative.

It has only been two months since we've tried. I could've waited a bit longer before booking the appointment, but I know my body.

***

"Good night" I quickly said to Alistair, as I wrapped myself with the duvet

Alistair switches of the light. I felt his presence come closer to me, as he wrapped his muscular arms around my body. I smiled to myself, knowing his warmth felt wonderful on me.

Alistair started to leave gentle kisses on my bare shoulder, trailing his lips to my collar bone.

I shifted my body, so my husband could see my face. He made all the sadness I was feeling inside disappear. I was just about to fall for his acute teasing, until I saw the look of concern on his face.

"I'm fine Alistair..." I partially lied

"No you are not-" he was convinced "- And I would like to know what is wrong with my wife before we fall asleep. You have not spoken to me all day and you have been awfully quiet..."

"...If it is anything that I have done to you, I am really sorry and I have never meant to hurt you" Alistair started apologise

That was a bit unnecessary- I even stopped in my thoughts, figuring out what made him think that he could ever hurt me and what possessed him to even say such thing like that.

"No you haven't done anything love, but what makes you think you did?" I asked him, but was met with a strange look from Alistair which I couldn't read

"Oh, um nothing, I just thought I did something..." Alistair stated "...But what is upsetting you Alana?"

Hmm I'm going to brush that weird vibe that I got from him for now and revisit that situation later on.

"You know how I took a day off from work today-" Alistair hummed "- I took the day off from work because I scheduled an appointment with Dr Ruth..."

"Why did you do that and what was the appointment about?" Alistair asked, with his hand resting on his head

"Alistair I don't know if I'll be able to get pregnant" I spat out "I knew for a very long time that there was a big possibility that I wouldn't be able to get pregnant due to the past problems I've had with my menstrual cycle- too many in fact..."

"...I knew how long you wanted to start a family and I lied to you that I wasn't ready, but in fact I was ready. I just wanted to give myself more time. More time to have hope that there would be a possibility, but coming back from today's appointment, that's not even an option anymore..." I started to rant "...like why am I not pregnant as yet. We have sex any chance we get and the results always come back negative. Like why!" I started to squirm in annoyance, fisting both of my hands into the sheets, laying on my back in stress

"Alana-"

"Yes" I responded

"Alana I want you to look at me"

"You have my undivided attention" I turned my head to face his face

"Whether you'll be able to get pregnant or not, I will still love you and be by your side through it all, no matter what. I did not marry you for you to be some kind of breeding machine. I married you for you. Children- we can sort that out whenever. There are so many options we can choose from, but right now, we're not going to focus on that topic. I can see it's bothering you and that is the last thing I want from you- to be upset"

"Aw baby...do you really mean that" I cooed, feeling appreciated and somewhat relieved from his response

"Of course"

"I love you" I pecked his lips

"And I love you too..."

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