My Posh idiot (BOOK 2)

71💞

⚠️TALKS OF SUCIUDE AND SELF HARM!
Sorry for typos as well🥹

Alistair Ryle ~

This was not the way I intended to have this very conversation with Alana- I mean not like this at least. However, it is my fault. I sprung up wanting a divorce at a baptism to her out of the blue. I do not know if she saw it coming or not, but based on her reaction, I don't think she did or maybe I was wrong. I have been so enthralled in my emotions with Iman, that I did not bother to even consider Alana's thoughts or feelings.

But why should I?

I spent months finding excuses, being balls deep inside of Iman, promising her that I could give her the world she truly deserves. I wanted to make Iman happy. I wanted Iman to see how much I cared for her and wanted to make us work again, while purposely forgetting that I should be making Alana feel that way.

After minutes of questioning myself, perplexed in ways that I caused, I decided it was best not to go after Alana. The last thing I said to her was disgusting. I could tell by her mannerisms that she was disgusted and did not want anything to do with me at all. She'd probably try to kill me accidentally as I repulse her that much.

The next day had come about, surprised that I had even gotten sleep, due to the tossing and turning of guilt and shame ridden upon me.

I got up and did the usual. Before heading downstairs, I went to go over to Alana's room. I knocked on her door a couple of times. There was no answer. I did not know if she was in her room or sleeping. I decided it was best not to even think about barging into her room, knowing there was no response. With Alana's anger (which was rightly justified), I did not want to risk it. I'd rather wait for her to come out and hopefully be able to speak to her the way I should have the first time.

I made my way downstairs, to my way into the kitchen, to get breakfast ready, feeling the raging pit of my stomach growl. I couldn't believe that I was hungry. I should feel like utter shit. I should be worrying- worrying with guilt, but instead, I'm on my way to eat like I deserve it.

Was there even any point in even trying to make some sort of peace with my soon-to-be ex-wife? I knew once I confessed to her, that she would be very upset with me, but I did not want her to hate me. Maybe it would be easier for her to, so I would not have to feel guilty starting my new life with Iman, whilst Alana still harboured feelings for me- a love that I can no longer give to her.

Upon arrival, I saw a piece of jewellery that once sparkled, brighter than the stars in the night sky, lying on the corner of the counter. My eyes went wide as the promise of our vows, linked to her wedding ring, has officially came to an end on her part.

I should be ecstatic...

...relieved...

So why do I feel pure shock has rained over me, knowing this was what I wanted?

I picked up the dull wedding ring, examining the item, but more confused as to how I should feel. A rush of memories that Alana and I shared, had come back to me, as if I was living in a hospice, signing myself to death as my life was soon coming to an end.

Why did I feel this way?

Did I do the right thing?

Or is it because everything was happening too fast?

I placed the ring back on the counter, wanting to rid myself of my thoughts, and preventing myself from becoming lost in my mind.

I blinked for a moment, bringing myself back to the task that I was initially supposed to do, which was to make breakfast. It was either Alana or I who made breakfast, lunch or dinner, depending on who got up early, so making food for myself wasn't something that I had to get used to. However, this was all happening when the two of us actually loved each other. My selfish ways of satisfying myself by seeing Iman every chance that I got, tore between the love that Alana and I once had, but now being able to think clearly again, it was worth it.