My Posh idiot (BOOK 2)

44💕

Alistair Ryle ~

"Come in..." I voiced, hearing a knock on the door, as I was busy with the research I had ahead of me for tonight

I looked up, and noticed my wife entering my office. As bad as this may sound, I had forgotten that I invited her over, as she asked to accompany me tonight.

I called Alana to notify her that I will be coming home late tonight. It doesn't look too great as I came home last night, using the same excuse as I used today, but at least this time I was being truthful. As I mentioned that Alana wanted to come and visit me, I was nearly about to tell her no, but decided against it. I hadn't eaten anyways and she told me she would bring some food over.

"Would've been nice of you to open the door and greet your darling wife, but I guess you're too busy to do that..." Was the first thing Alana opened her mouth to say, as she found a place to sit

Was that supposed to rub me the wrong way?

I looked up at her again, choosing to ignore her statement "Hi Darling, how was work today?" I asked her, trying to sound endearing

"It was fine- how about you?" She asked back, taking the food out of the carrier bag she brought

"It was the usual, nothing new..." I looked up at her from the desk top, with a small smile

"I see...so what are you getting up to that you had to stay back at your office again Alistair?" Alana asked in a passive aggressive manner

"Alana..." I freed myself from my tasks, pushing myself back in my chair, away from the desk

"Yes Alistair..." she sweetly smiled, but it felt forced

Did she find out?

"...Why would you come to see me, if something is clearly bothering you?" I asked

"I am your wife at the end of the day Alistair and even if I still feel like we are not how we used to be, I still miss you and I want to see you. So my attitude with you is warranted and maybe just maybe if you were home more, I wouldn't be in this state"

"You have every right to feel the way you feel Alana, I'm just trying to figure some things out...we will be back to normal soon" I spoke broken promises to her

"I will believe it when I see it because you are not coming back into bed with me any time soon with that statement..."

I could care less.

I am already in a marriage that is starting to be built on lies, why on earth would I want to get back into her good graces, just to sleep next to her again, when I am doing that with someone else. I do not need to commit anymore sins.

"...So what are you working on?" Alana reverted back to the question she asked the first time

"I am doing research for a friend- they wanted me to look a person up" I told her

"What friend and who's the person they wanted you to look up?"

I was going to lie, but I do remember the very first time Alana met Iman, I introduced her as a friend to her, so I am not really lying in that sense.

"Iman had asked me- she wanted me to look Harry Villers up, as Amaya's attack may have a connection to him" I explained

"When did she ask you?"

So many blimey questions

"She asked me this morning- is there anymore questions you want to ask me?" I became slightly agitated, then regretted it, once the softness of sadness appeared on her face

"No..." she responded in a dull tone "...I brought some food, as you said you were hungry- I hope you like it..." she placed the thermal container that contained my meal inside of it

I looked up at her softly, giving her a soft smile, as I know I ruined her mood "...Thank you, I really appreciate it" I opened the container, immediately seeing the steam fly up

"You're welcome- I just missed eating with you, so I wanted to eat my meal with you, together like we used too..." Alana was starting to make me feel bad

I was only starting to feel bad because I knew I wouldn't be able to give that love that I genuinely had for her. I can force it, but that wouldn't be any better either. I'm going to force a love for her, knowing I will not be able to sustain that behaviour as a "good husband". To see the smile...the laughter...the joy in her eyes, for a false happiness. This thought made me think maybe I should let her know that I am having an affair, just to take her out of her misery. But then I realised at a time like this- it wouldn't be considerate.

I genuinely still do love my wife, but it's not the same love I felt before I came across Iman, but if it wasn't the same love, does that mean I was settling, praying that Iman would give me a chance again. Does this explain why I struggled be clear with my feelings with Alana when we started dating? Does this explain why I foolishly invited Iman to my wedding and she rightfully declined. I had no choice but to say "I do", when Iman would be a no show. Am I as healed as I think I am? Did Dr Rashid really help me or did I tell him the full truth?

It was a two month relationship that I had with Iman. I shouldn't still be having these feelings for her. But she was my first love- but I never got the chance to say it to her. I vowed to myself to never make a mistake like that again when it came to Alana, but it seems the cycle of loosing a good woman keeps on happening.