How To Trust A Liar

24

Before I knew it, I was on the ground, my lip throbbing from Raizen's hit. Hawak niya ako sa kwelyo habang nasa ibabaw ko siya, ambang susuntukin ako ulit. Blood flowed from my lips as he trembled with rage.

For a second, I thought I got numb so I chose to close my eyes.

Natatakot akong dumilat at magtama ang tingin namin. Natatakot akong makita kung anong gustong iparating ng mga mata niya.

Hindi ko mapigilang masamid sa sarili kong dugo nang suntukin niya ako ulit. Wala na akong nagawa kung 'di dumilat dahil sapilitan niya akong pinaupo habang hawak pa rin ang kwelyo ko.

When I met his gaze, regret washed over me instantly. He seemed mad, hurt, confused, and something else I couldn't figure out. I had overwhelmed him with too many emotions, leaving him unsure of how to handle them all at once.

And it's hurting me too.

Ano ba ginawa ko at paano kami umabot dito? Bakit ba hinayaan kong lumala?

"You shithead."

Maging boses niya, hindi naitago nararamdaman niya.

I thought he's going to hit me again, pero binitawan niya ako at tumayo. Doon ko lang nagawang huminga nang maluwag- na parang pati paghinga ay 'di ko deserve.

Pinunasan ko yung dugong tumutulo mula sa labi ko habang pinapanood ko siya. He aggressively dragged his hand across his face, trying to calm himself.

Ang dami kong gustong sabihin pero hindi ko alam kung saan at paano ko sisimulan. Wala akong ibang masabi kung 'di 'sorry' lang, na kahit ilang sorry pa sabihin ko ay alam kung hindi naman sapat 'yon.

"Raizen, I'm sorry. I was scared of how you'll take it when you find out the truth so I—"

"It's my fault, right? I should have realized sooner that it was you I'd been texting all this time- fuck, I was so stupid."

Tumayo ako at sinubukang lumapit sa kaniya pero umatras siya agad, "Wala kang kasalanan-"

"No, it is my fault for being stupid. Lagi kitang naaalala kay Alex but I never even thought that you might be the same person."

I couldn't move with what I heard. Kahit anong subok kong intindihin yung sinabi niya, hindi ko pa rin ma-gets anong pinaparating niya.

Napakunot-noo ako, "Lagi mo ako naaalala?"

Kung sabagay, hindi naman gano'n kahirap makita similarities namin. Hindi siya tanga. Sadyang iisa lang si Alex at Damian kaya may sense lang na maalala niya ako kay Ale—

"You think I'd entertain Alex if I don't see you in him?"

Sa tuwing nagsasalita siya, mas lalo akong naguguluhan. This time, I can't seem to understand what he means. Naghintay pa ako ng sunod niyang sasabihin, na baka mali yung naiisip ko.

"What?"

Umiwas siya ng tingin, "You're not the only person who messaged me after finding my number in the men's bathroom, but why do you think Alex is the only person to whom I kept replying?"

Wala akong sagot, nanatili lang yung mga mata ko sa kaniya. Sobrang bilis ng tibok ng puso ko, hinihintay yung mga susunod niyang sasabihin. Honestly, I'm starting to feel weak.

Hindi ko alam kung dahil ba sa dalawang sapak niya sa 'kin o dahil sa sinasabi niya.

Napayuko siya at napahilamos ulit gamit ang palad niya. "Fuck, Damian. Why did you have to lie?" It was a whisper.