Don't JUDGE Me

UNDERSTAND

Mood: 🥹

I understand.

Ano iyong naintindihan mo?

That things will go the way they will be once you make a decision.

Is that a reflection or a learning?

Pretty much both. Because you know what? Ang ginawa ko ay mangintindi doon sa tao. Sana iyong ibinalik ko ay ma-understand niya.

Did you both talk about it?

That person did not have that so how will I be able to? I even send the person a letter but no to respond.

That actually hurt.

It is. So I just tried to understand. But oh well, we do not have to talk to each other anymore.

Do you regret it in the first place?

No. I appreciate the gesture because that person approached me first. Then it goes on but one day, there was none.

But you did not expect that it would happen?

I may be disappointed but that does not mean I will react that much negatively. Siguro, nanghihinayang ako. I feel bad na kahit akong bato ko, wala akong nasasambot. But hope that person will have a good life now. I bid goodbyes, and that is that.

Wow. You toughen up. Is that a sign of maturity?

Wala e. Anong mangyayari ba? Papakalunod ba ako sa pagiisip? Patuloy na lang bang magaabang at aasa? Todo bigay ba kahit wala man lang nababalik? It felt so tiring to be honest.

If there is a chance? Would you reconcile?

There was no fight and I had been waiting for so long that I started to misunderstand myself and the person.  What is between us? It is like a bubble that pops. There was a ghosting involved? I do not know. And I would not care.

It looks like you are still mad.

How could you not? I really got no infos or any last words. It felt like I was not important considering that I treat the person so special not just in online but as a part of my life. But there was no reciprocation so I cannot help but to end things that they should be.

And with this understanding, were you able to move on?

I guess? Emosyonal at mental na kapaguran ang nararanasan ko. Oras na siguro para paginhawaan ko sarili ko. Hindi bale nang walang kaibigan basta hindi ganito. May darating din sa tamang panahon.

That is the spirit! Nawa'y  makuha mo inaasam mo.

I always understand others if they do not understand me. What is the use of the golden rule if there is no understanding in the first place?

And how does it connect doon sa do not do unto others what others do unto you?

Iyong walang palitang nagaganap? Nagugulumihan din ako kase nagpapaka-understanding naman ako pero bakit sila hindi maibalik iyon? Kaya baka ang gawin ko, prayoridad ko muna sarili ko. Intindihin ko muna si self bago ang iba.

Ah. That is truly unfair.

May tama ka. Pero minsan naitatanong ko kung mali ba iyong ginawa ko? I just finish what is on us earlier though. On this day where that person jump up to another number.

Ooh. That is harsh. Pero minsan kailangan mo din isipin ang sarili mo and the wellness na dadalhin mo. So you do not have to worry about things like this.

Do you think so? Nakaka-guilty kase. But there was also a side of me that I should done it before, ngayon lang nakaroon ng right timing even if it was wrong. Siguro dahil may pang-entrance din ako and exit at the same time?

You should not feel guilt if you know na ikaw na rin ang nahihirapan. Tandaan mo na may limit din ang tao. At hindi na siya nagpakatao that could only mean one thing, stop.

Alam mo bang the message contains my purpose, greeting, apologies, and farewell. It hurts to go like that but it became my last long words before I go. Indirectly man dahil naka-portable document format, sana mabasa niya at mapaglaan niya ng katiting na availability iyon.

You did well and I know it believe me. You are never selfish for deciding to put yourself first. You must understand that. You are not obligated to sacrifice your own well-being for the sake of others even to that person. You contribute already and with that, freeing yourself from the grip of draining people, you can reclaim some sense of yourself and step into the light once again.

Ang haba ah! I did not know you would take this seriously.

Me neither. Pero ang dahilan siguro ay iyong naintindihan kita. Sa hinaba haba ng taon, pati rin ng pasensya mo, just today you officially quit and understand  yourself more. Ininvalidate niya ikaw, so it is actually time to set yourself some distance and never communicate para iwas toxicity.

Bakit kase nahantong pa sa ganoon? The person could have remembered but instead, it is forgotten. So now, here I am making some forgiveness and understanding to remove the pain. The person just had it all for naught.

Kaya you have to escape that feeling. You now have the time to understand yourself more than you understand that person. Hope you get well.

With the conflicts, it is no wonder why I care to have this understanding instead of talking about some random stuff. But nah, none of this is a mixed up and my emotions are the ones pointing out other than the topic that I, with the person should have conversing about.

Ridiculous I may say. But I guess destiny choose you for this. Na walang naglalasted longer dahil hindi naman durable yung naging pagitan. Yung iba nga na nagtatagal din, in the end wapak ang bunga di ba?

Yeah. But when will I have another?

Yung panibagong person na mas maintindihan niyo ang isa't isa o yung panibagong sakit na hindi mo malaman kung kailan darating? Hindi natin maalam kase nga unpredictable kung anong went na ilalaan.

Baka na understand na lang talaga sa own self magagawa ko sa ngayon. Ako naman itong bumubuhat aa sarili e. Kapag may naging karamay, then sana suwertihin na.

I am sure you will do but may plano ang up for you para hindi ka na maging down.

Ang fresh awit na iyan. Baka ang healing nito magiging loading pa bago maging complete.

At normal lang iyan. Sabi ko nga kanina, you are now mature to have this understanding within your mind, heart, and soul.

Hanggang saan ba maabot understand word for me? Kakayanin ba? Baka bunalik ulit sa dati?

Just go with the flow. Magiging palagian na. Kung sa pagkain hindi ka dapat magtira, puwes sa pagintindi ay itira mo only for you. Maari ka pa rin naman magshare e pero yung mas matimbang ikaw muna. Kuha ba?

Naman aware na ako kaya dapat isama ko rin ito. Ganoon nga.