I Think I'm in Trouble {Reimagined}

XXXIII.

Pulling her journal out of her purse, Stevie sighed gently as she took a look at the window of the plane, looking at the clouds, the way they looked like lands of cotton from her point of view.

No matter how many flights she had to take in life, the view was never the same twice; the sun, the moon, the stars, the clouds---everything was always different and it really gave her time to think and ponder.

"Here, darlin'," Lindsey handed her a cup of tea before taking a seat with his cup of coffee.

"Thank you," she grasped it.

He then sighed, slinking down in his seat as he glanced over at her.

"You're not tired?"

"Oddly enough, no," she shook her head. "I'm just gonna write for a little bit... But you rest honey, you've been doing do much for me and my band..." she adjusted her arm rest to go up and she rolled her folded blanket up for him to lay on.

"Aren't you cold?" he wondered.

"No, I'm comfortable," she assured, placing it down on her leg for him. "Lay down, rest..."

He did exactly that, holding into her other leg as he rubbed it gently.

Meantime, she had her body at a slant and she was able to use her knee to hold her journal on in order to write.

August 21, 1994 ~

Never in my life have I ever been glad for a tour to be short and to the point for the sake of promotion, but given the fact that I am almost 14 weeks pregnant, I am starting to really feel it after only 11 shows ~ I can't believe I even talked about a world tour ~ I'm sure Lori thought I was high when I suggested it, because I'm barely pulling off this tour...

Our first show was in Hollywood, since then I've been in New York, New Jersey, Ohio, Michigan, Pennsylvania and Massachusetts, but we're finally on our way to the west coast for a few shows. I decided to leave earlier since we're back in L.A. for the 25th, but of course, Lindsey wasn't gonna let me travel alone, but I don't mind. I'm too excited to see my kids ~ it's been centuries in "mom years."

Even though Lindsey and me have been having a great time, it's been a long few weeks without them. A mother will always complain that she needs a break, but there really isn't anything on this earth I wouldn't give my kids. Just to be with them for a few hours is gonna be great, especially Jeffrey.

I'm not exactly sure how I'm supposed to tell them, let alone Robert that I'm pregnant. It'll be pretty clear to him that it's not his baby, but there's really nothing I can do about that at this time. I have orders to take care of myself and not stress myself out, yet here I am, thinking the worst about what this very good news is about to conjure up.

I'm really happy to have yet another life growing inside me, to have a baby from Lindsey... I know he's always wanted to be a dad and I'm sure if we would have never got into the rock and roll scene like we did, we'd probably would have gotten married and had kids together... But life seemed to take a different turn, though destiny is still in control considering we've been able to take some time back into our own hands. We've had the time to be intimate and create new life... That's a beautiful thing, however aside from that ~

I have to admit that I am a little scared, so I am putting that fear in God's hands because I know I shouldn't speak my fears aloud. Something so delicate, like having a baby at 46 is scary... I've always been relatively healthy, I had Nick at 30, but in fifteen years, things could change... a lot can change. I've been doing my best to take of myself ~ it really hasn't been hard with Lindsey waiting on me hand and foot, it's actually really cute and funny. I never thought I'd be in this position again, but I'm glad to be the one to show Lindsey this side of a relationship and I'm really glad he gets to experience the joys of becoming a father the first time. I'm floored that it's me who is taking him on this journey, I just would have never expected it...