𝐃𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐑𝐎𝐘𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝟓 || 𝐁𝐨𝐲𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐓𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐞𝐧

CHAPTER 25: 𓆩♡𓆪

I start to see Lizzie more and more often.

She's like a drug to me. Before, I used to see her every 2 weeks, and then it became once a week, and now it's 2 times a week.

Yet it's not enough.

I remember one night, Hugh was cuddling me, and he's never been the pushy type but I knew he wanted to have sex. Saying no to him hurt but I just.. couldn't.

He doesn't have long blonde hair or these sad blue eyes that turn happy when they're with me.

I can feel his and I's relationship changing, though, and it's scaring me.

God, everything has been scaring me lately.

So I go to Feely for help.

I'm sitting on one of his lounge chairs outside as he stands, facing me. I managed to have a talk with him, which is rare because he's always doing farm work.

"What should I do, Feely? Should I break him with him? I mean, I can't even do that - He was my first everything, my only everything for so many years." I say, chewing on my fingernail. "You're the only one who knows about this." I whisper.

Him and Lizzie are the only ones I've ever talked to about this. As trusting as Claire and Shannon are, I'm scared they'll judge me. Plus, Claire is Hugh's sister - She'll snitch on me!

Feely strums his guitar, then takes a minute to tune it as he responds to me.

"Hugh would understand, Katie." He says softly. "He loves Lizzie just as much as you do."

"I don't love Lizzie."

"Oh yeah? Then if you didn't feel anything at all for her, would you still be seeing her behind your boyfriends back? Would you still be seeing her twice a week?" Feely sighs as he looks me in the eyes.

"You can try and lie to yourself but you can't lie to the people around you. I see it, Katie - You love her."

My throat feels clogged.

"But... I can't... it's wrong," I say under my breath. "Girls can't like girls."

"Then answer this." I swallow thickly at the intimidating sound of his voice. "She makes you feel good, right? Would you stop doing this with her? Stop seeing her at all?"

I look down, "I'm not answering that." I mutter.

Yet he waits for a reply.

"No." I say even softer.

I like how Lizzie makes me feel. I don't feel insecure about my body, or how loud I am, or anything else. It all fades away when I'm with her.

I want her, but..

I cannot have her.

And I never will.