𝐃𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐑𝐎𝐘𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝟓 || 𝐁𝐨𝐲𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐓𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐞𝐧

CHAPTER 51: 𓆩⟡𓆪

"Lizzie? Dad is here." My mom's voice rings as she enters my room.

I continue to rest against my headboard silently, holding my knees to my chest.

My mom stares at me. I don't look up to see how - I could care less if there's disappointment or anger in her gaze.

Her footsteps are soft as she walks to my bed. She reaches a hand out and combs her fingers through my heavy, dirty hair. I wonder if she thinks I feel disgusting. I wonder if she knows I'm disgusting.

I've been wearing the same shirt and shorts for hours and hours and hours. For 3 nights, 3 days. I've never once left this room.

She sighs, "Liz.." I can tell she wants to scold me about the way I'm acting, but she holds herself back.

She tucks a strand of hair behind my ear. "Look at you, you're so pale and skinny. And your eyebags.. jesus," She criticizes. I feel nothing. I try to gnaw on my chapped bottom lip to kick my emotions back into play but it doesn't work.

She pulls away from me and turns to my bedside table. She rattles up empty pill containers, touches sharp objects that are stained orange.

She shakes her head, "Your dad is gonna talk to you. Hopefully find you some help, too. We've been talking about therapy and we think it'll be really good for you, Liz."

She walks out of my room now.

I miss Caiomhe.

~~

My dad enters my room, wearing a suit.

"Hey, baby girl," He says softly in a soothing voice. My heart jumps ever so slightly.

I bring my eyes up to look at him.

He makes his way over to me and sits down beside me on my bed. "How have you been?"

He tentatively puts a hand on my shoulder, and when he notices I don't react, he lets it rest more comfortably on my body.

He lets out a quiet breath.

"Mom says you don't talk to her about what's going on in life." He begins. "But, I think I can assume what the problem is." He swallows and scratches at his stubbled grey chin.

I drown him out as I doze off, staring at my legs. Have you ever wondered if the soulmate stuff is real? How does it work? Are we born with the same soul from our past life, and that same soul wants the same soul it had back then?

Honestly, I don't believe in soulmates. There's too much people in the world to be destined with only one other person. Maybe we have 5 soulmates. But what do we do when we meet them all? Would they be soulmates with eachother, too?

And then, when you meet your soulmate, what do you do to confirm that they're really the love of your life? Because I know soul ties exist. Recently, I searched into them and learned more about what they really are. There are many ways to form a soul tie.

The website I was on said that you can create a soul tie when you lose your virginity to someone else. That one makes a lot of sense. I know a lot of people that lost their virginity to whoever they're dating - They never could break up. A lot of them are still together, actually. It's like the knowledge that they've seen eachother in such a vulnerable moment is too massive to toss to the side.

I don't exactly get it. You just saw eachother naked - So what? Move on. We're all just bodies, I don't understand the big deal. I got over Pierce quickly and I lost my virginity to him. Maybe I just can't make soul ties.

Another way to create a soul tie was apparently having sex on your period. That one is gross. I don't think I could ever be horny enough for that.

Anyway, I doubt I'm ever going to meet my soulmate. I think I'm much better alone. I hurt people too much to be greedy and ask for a relationship.

I think you see the world clearer, too, when you're not dating someone. You're not blinded by big dick.

"I'm sure mom talked a little bit about therapy with you, no?" My dad's voice becomes audible again. I blink out of my thoughts.

"There's a place that I've gotten familiar with. It's not in town - I'd say it's far, all the way in Dublin."

I tighten my arms around my legs.

"But I think it'll be good for you," He quickly soothes. "Every weekend you can take a trip and stay in Dublin for Saturday and Sunday. You can stay at grandma's house and have time to wind down, you know?"

"You're sending me away?" My voice sounds hoarse from lack of use.

"No," He says quickly. "No, that's.. that's not what I'm trying to do, sweetheart."

"Don't call me that."

He gives me a pained expression before sighing, running a hand through his neat hair and messing it up in the process.

"We just want to help you." I can hear the frustration layered in his tone. "What can we do to help you get out of this attitude, sweetheart? Please. It requires some effort from you, too, love."

"I want her back."

He stares at me in disbelief, as if I'm being hard on him. I'm not. I finally make my eyes meet his.

"Lizzie, you know that's not possible."

My expression hardens and the back of my eyes burn.

"The grief is swallowing you up, sweetheart. Therapy can help you grow. Please, just give it a cha-"

"Get out of my room."

"Sweetheart."

"Get out of my room!" I scream.

He flinches, then gives me a firm glare.

"I don't know how your mother deals with you," He mutters as he grabs his belongings. "You're a lost cause."

I look away like a child getting scolded.

"Don't ask us for help when you need it, Liz. You're like the boy who cried wolf." He chuckles with a shake of his head.

You're supposed to be my parents, I want to tell him. I want to shout it at him.

But my eyes hurt too much and I'm tired.

I have my gaze glued on him as he leaves.

I just want her back.