𝐃𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐑𝐎𝐘𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝟓 || 𝐁𝐨𝐲𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐓𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐞𝐧

CHAPTER 34: 𓆩♡𓆪

Nothing feels the same without her.

It's been a week and no amount of music, or time spent hanging out with Hugh, compares to a second in her presence.

I lay in bed, hugging my pillow as How to Save a Life by The Fray plays through my earbuds.

I don't know the last time I ate, or drank water. I don't think I need such things anymore, to be honest. A person as cruel as me doesn't deserve stuff like that anyway.

I scratch at my arm, yet the itch never goes away.

I scratch myself until the song ends and I don't realize how red my skin turned. It stings and burns and I miss Lizzie.

I miss touching her soft skin, feeling her full lips on mine move with a purpose. I miss watching her eyelashes flutter with every blink. I miss the times we'd tease each other like friends, when we were anything but.

Love you too, Cowgirl.

A tear falls onto my pillow and acid burns in my throat.

I think she loved me too. She had to, right?

My thoughts run wild and I don't think I've ever felt as much hate for everyone around me as much as I do now.

Not just hate - I feel guilty, and it weighs down on my stomach like a brick.

This Sunday, I'll go to church. I'll repent and get down on my knees, the ones that are bruised and aching from Hugh's bedroom floor, and I'll pray that He forgives me. I'll pray that he'll lift my spirit, and my memories of the Viper will vanish.

Because she tempted me to eat the apple, and I was too desperate for something sweet to stop her.

~~

There's a rugby game today. I get up extra early to get ready. 4 AM, to be exact.

It's cold and muggy outside, some rain droplets sprinkling across Cork.

I waddle towards my bathroom, do my business, and then look at myself in the mirror.

My eyes are puffy and my face is pale. Nothing a little makeup can't fix.

I've been debating on taking up smoking. It'll calm my frazzled nerves, no? And I heard people eat it for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Maybe it'll help me survive a little longer.

I rinse my face with cold water to wake myself up, then start to brush my teeth. When I spit the paste out in the sink my stomach swirls but I ignore it by taking the time to straighten my hair.

I head back to my room to put my uniform on. I brush my hair when I finish adjusting my skirt and making sure it sits right.

My hair feels so light. The brush glides through the auburn strands. Something falls in my peripheral vision, and that's when I notice it.

Chunks of hair are falling out and onto the floor.

I stare down at it, trying to make sense of this.

Maybe it's the shampoo and conditioner I'm using. I never had problems with it before, though.

Maybe it's dead hair. There's a possibility that I turned the heat too high up on my straightener aswell.

I sigh softly and grab a hair tie. Low ponytail it is, then.

~~

"Kate, pet, are you not cold? You should take an extra jacket. It's gonna rain." My mam says when I get downstairs, her coffee in hand and a frown on her face.

"Cold? It's not cold at all," I reply softly to her, yawning.

"Okay, okay.. But please don't get sick today, alright? Ask for Hugh's hoodie." She says, pressing a kiss to my cheek.

"Yeah. See you."

~~

Everyone is excited for the game. Everyone except me.

I feel like I'm on the verge of crying the entire time. Everything's loud, everything's too bright, Hugh isn't loving me.

It's miserable.