𝐃𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐑𝐎𝐘𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝟓 || 𝐁𝐨𝐲𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐓𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐞𝐧

CHAPTER 36: 𓆩♡𓆪

When I get back from the bathroom with Claire, my heart drops to my feet and rolls under the stadium chairs.

Specifically under the chair right next to where Shannon sits, because of course she decided to make an appearance.

All of a sudden nothing matters at all. My boyfriend playing on the field right now doesn't matter. What I ate this week doesn't matter. None of it matters because my eyes only focus on her.

The way her hair cascades over her shoulders, her perfect nose, her fluttering eyelashes whenever she makes eye contact with Shan - I can't help but feel jealous and angry and like I'm going to cry.

Claire puts her hand on my shoulder, "Katie, are you okay? You're shaking.." She asks, concerned.

No. No, I'm not okay. The girl I love is sitting right there in front of me and I can never get her back.

Lizzie then looks at me.

My heart slides back into my ribcage and thumps. I don't know if that's a good thing or bad thing.

Claire glares at her and my Viper finally meets her eyes, her expression hardening. My stomach churns.

Lizzie looks away to take one last bite of her corn dog - Which is a really gross food choice, by the way - before standing up. She throws whatever is left of the snack in a nearby trashcan before heading towards me.

"Lizzie, what the hell are you doing here? And what are you thinking, deciding to hang out with us of all people?" Claire says defensively.

"What, I can't go to rugby games anymore and support my friends?" My girl shoots back.

"No!" Claire says beside me, her hair bristling against my arm as she lightly stomps her foot and clenches her hands into fists. "Hugh isn't yours anymore, so leave my brother alone! And just because Feely is there for you sometimes doesn't mean anything, either!" She says as if it's the most obvious thing in the world. Maybe it is. "None of us want you here anymore, Lizzie!"

I can tell Lizzie is hurt. She hides every emotion behind a stoic expression but I can tell she's not okay.

She scoffs, "I'm sorry, but what did Thor say to you again when you outed him infront of everybody?" She steps closer to the curly headed blonde. I take a step back - From both her and Claire.

"He said that he didn't want to be friends anymore." Viper's voice comes out in almost a whisper. "So, maybe nobody wants me here. Maybe you're right about that. But never in my life has a man ever said he didn't want me anymore."

I gasp softly. Claire's jaw hangs open.

"Oh, you dirty, fuckin' slut!" Claire shouts, pointing a finger at Lizzie's chest. Lizzie only grows closer.

People around us are starting to get distracted. I look around and see people watching and whispering to eachother.

"Hugh, Feely, Pierce," The Viper goes on. "When have they ever said no to me? When have they ever not loved me? Do you know how it feels to always be loved by men, Claire? Cause I know I do."

"They only like you because of your goddamn fanny and you know it," Claire snaps.

Lizzie laughs. "That just means I'm hot enough to fuck, doesn't it?" She says confidently. My cheeks immediately grow hot.

Not only have Lizzie and I.. made love, so to speak, but what she and I did, she did with other people. And that fills me with a sense of insecurity almost instantly. I don't think I will ever be someone's first choice, and that hurts.

Her eyes dart to me after she says that and her confidence fades.

Our eyes communicate with each other. I can see her begging with me to help her, but I can't. I physically can't.

I need to leave.

~~

I feel slightly lightheaded as I turn around, rushing away, ignoring the voices of people. They don't matter, Katie, I reassure myself. No one over there matters.

"Katie, wait," she calls out to me and I won't survive if I listen to her. I know I won't. So, I keep walking.

I walk down stairs and my feet are light on the floor, but really, I don't know where I'm going. I just need to get out.

I turn a corner, and Lizzie is right behind me. "Katie, c'mon.." she pleads. I sniffle and bring a hand up, wiping away a tear as soon as it fell.

In what feels like seconds, my back is pressed against a concrete wall and Lizzie hovers infront of me, her hands lightly gripping onto my arms to keep me in place. I can see the hurt swarming in her eyes. I feel it, too.

"I'm sorry," She begins to say, her voice as soft as a whisper. "For whatever I did. For however I hurt you. I'm sorry."

I say nothing.

"Just please.." She sighs, her hands dropping from my arms.

I slowly shake my head. I need to get what I need to say off my chest.
"No, Lizzie," I try to say as strongly as possible but my voice wavers. "No, I don't forgive you and no, we're not getting back together."

I take two small steps forward, removing myself from the wall, causing her to take a couple of steps back.

"I love Hugh. I'll always love Hugh. He makes me feel good. He makes me happy." Lies, lies, lies. When did I become such a liar?

Lizzie's eyes scrutinize me. I can tell she sees through all of it, but I can't be weak and crumble infront of her. Especially not now. I open my mouth, but she quickly interrupts me.

"I don't make you feel happy, Katie? I don't make you feel good?" She says, her anger building up. "You weren't happy when I ate you out till you fucking collapsed? Huh?"

My cheeks flushed. "Of course I was happy when you did that! That was just my body reacting! All of that shit we did, it was just- It was just casual!"

She recoiled as if I had just slapped her, pain and anger and sadness flashing in her eyes all at the same time.

Before I know it, I'm slammed back against the wall, Lizzie's hands caging me in.

"I don't want it to be casual! It meant something, dammit! Everything we did, it meant something to me!" She hisses. "What we did together is not what friends do to eachother, Katie. But you know what I think?"

The breath is stolen from my lungs and all I can do is look up at her. She leans in closer, her breath ghosting my lips.

"I think you're scared. You're terrified, even. And you can't bring yourself to leave Hugh because everyone will be mad at you."

It was true. I was terrified.I was scared shitless of everyone at school seeing me differently, treating me differently. I was so scared of losing everyone's approval.

But I can't tell her that.

"You know nothing about me, so stop acting like you do!" I scream, shoving her away. "I was just experimenting with the same sex. You were just an experiment, so move on and leave me alone!"

"I can't leave you alone!" She counters, throwing her arms wide open as if it's the most obvious thing in the world. "I gave you my body and you just expect me to move on? No! I don't care what you tell me! I don't care if you call me a dirty whore, or a gay bitch, you can't expect me to move on that easily!" She pants while I stay silent.

After a moment, she speaks up again, this time softer. "You know what? Nevermind. I guess I'm just a fool. I'm a fool for thinking that what we had meant more than whatever you and Hugh have."

I nod. I have no words.

She looks at me, expecting me to say something, but I don't. And it disappoints her. It disappoints me, too. What happened to the fire that was in me just a second ago?

She swears under her breath, scrubbing her face with one hand before turning away.

I watch her leave.