Prelude to kisses

Chapter 39

Jackie found herself back on the road to Victoria Falls. The long drive back home now felt rather daunting. She'd heard someone say that if someone decided to end a relationship with you; you had to gracefully walk away, knowing that that person gave you back the most important thing in this life. It didn't feel true, it felt wrong and yet she knew it was right. She was hyperventilating, breathing hard she'd pulled to a stop on the side of the road. She let her forehead touch the steering wheel, and just then, just as expected, the tears came.

What had she expected? That Matt would have broken up with his girlfriend and he'd completely fall for her again because she'd changed? Did she think he'd want to be in a relationship with her just because she'd changed and had gone and made a life for herself? She hated to admit it, but all these things were true. She had hoped for all these scenarios. She'd hoped he'd fall in love with her this time.

It was in that moment as she sat silently in the car, as cars passed by her that it dawned on Jackie that she'd never broken up with him. Shed dated Christian after but she'd never broken up with Mathew, a small part of her had been waiting for him. A part of her believed that if she couldn't get over him then maybe he couldn't let go of her too. That maybe, just maybe he thought of her, that he dreamt of her and the life they could have together. Now she was just sitting here with that fantasy completely and ruthlessly shattered.

"Drink this", Mahita placed a cup of steaming coffee in front of her. She'd taken a shower to wash off the sweat from the hot sun and the tears that had stained her face. She'd taken a shower in hope to wash away the memories of today.

Mahita made herself comfortable on the stool next to her and patiently waited. She folded her hands together in front of her and took a moment to examine her friend before asking what had happened.

"I shouldn't have gone to see him", She confessed

"What did he say? Was he mean to you?"

"He didn't say anything that wasn't true. I guess that's why I'm so mad".

Mahita didn't know who this Mathew person was, but she was starting to dislike him. She'd never seen Jackie like this, she always had everything under control, she always seemed to handle everything and now she looked like a flower in the middle of the desert with her shoulders slouched forward and her hair in a messy bun.

"Can I sleep here tonight, maybe tomorrow I will have cleared my mind", Mahita watched Jackie get up from the stool and walk to the spare bedroom. She breathed a sigh. She put Marvin to bed and watched television before going to bed herself.

Jackie tossed and turned into the night. Every time she'd close her eyes it was Mathew saw, his eyes, his smiling eyes. His lips, it was easy to remember how soft those lips were against hers. Easy to remember how those hands felt on her body. Would this attraction for him ever go away or was this something she'd have to live with for the rest of her life. Even when they were sitting and eating together, the attraction she felt for him was undeniable. She could feel the electricity running through her body every time she looked up to find him still seating there. How could he not feel it when it was so intense?

But what he said broke her heart in two. How could he say all those things? It's not like she could fight off these feelings or shoo them away if she wished, because if she could she'd have done that a long time ago. Anger flared up; her heartrate was dangerously high. Did he think she wanted to be this way? She too wanted to live her life without being clouded by him, she wanted to make decisions in her life without giving a thought about what he'd think about her. If he'd be proud of her or not.

She too wanted him out of her thoughts and out of her head. There was no place on this earth for her to hide because he accompanied her thoughts, he influenced the way she felt and the decisions she made, but the questions were, for how long. How long would she allow him to hold that power and influence her mind?