Prelude to kisses

Chapter 61

Walking around Danville felt like it did years ago. Nothing had changed. The grocery store where her mom used to work as a street vendor, the Danville flats that seemed to stand against the test of time. Then the ice cream shop just far ahead, a tunnel where her cousin and his friends had almost gotten robbed in after soccer practice at night. A couple of blocks there lived his high school crush, close to the primary school they'd both attended. She lived in one of those nice yellow houses. Had been well off, Jackie wondered about her now. Where she was or what she was doing. She was glad nothig had come from that crush. Knowing her cousin and the way he'd loved her from third grade, she knew it wouldn't have worked out in the end. He would have loved her too hard to the point of self harm. To the point of losing himself to her.

She held Chloe's hand as they walked, passing a creche where kids played. She knew someone who had briefly worked there before, all these people seemed to be gone now. She hadn't seen anyone she knew, not one familiar face. An old age home was to their left as they walked about. Just far ahead was a house her mom had rented when they were still in school. She could still remember Ruth and her sisters visiting. And they'd take a stroll around the block or go to the park.

She took Chloe there, played on the swings for a while before going back for an ice cream and going home. When Ruth contacted her the next day, she hadn't been surprised. Was hoping she'd know she was back. That she'd reach out to her. But now as she stared at the massage, Ruth asking her to meet she wondered if she could do it. If she could be honest with her friend and lean on her for spiritual support since she had fallen off for so long.

In her bid to become someone else over the years, she'd let go of a friend, someone who came close to being a sister and from the moment she turned back to God, it felt as though he was telling her to reach out to Ruth. Maybe because God knew that this journey wasn't an easy one and she'd need someone stronger in their faith to help her.

They set a date and met at a sea food restaurant. She didn't know what excuse she was going to tell Ruth about why she hadn't kept in touch for so long, but when she saw her friend sitting there, she realized that honesty would be the only way to handle things. She smiled and took the first step to close the distance she had created between them.

Ruth looked up and her face broke into a smile. She looked the same, it was like the last years since they'd seen each other hadn't touched her at all. Ruth got up and they embraced as though the time they'd spent apart was knitted back together.

When she stole a glance at the beautiful woman in front of her, she saw the girl in a blue uniform again. Not the woman in a blue floor length coat she wore on top of her V-neck blouse.

It was simple getting into the routine of chatting and sharing about their lives with each other. Ruth sharing that she was now married, that they had moved closer to her husband's job, that it was only God that had brought them together in the same place at the same time. She shared that she was visiting her parents and was driving back home the next day.

"I'm sorry I missed your wedding".

"Don't worry about it. I tried to get in touch but couldn't reach you. My brother saw you at the park and told me you were in Danville".

"I was actually contemplating getting in touch, but I guess I was too ashamed. I distanced myself from you and lost a great friend".

"Were you mad at me?" Ruth asked

"No, of course not. I was just, lost. Being your friend and hearing you talk about God made me feel uncomfortable at some point".

"What? We went to church together though, bible study and church camps too".

"Yeah, but I fell off my faith. I stopped believing. I stopped wanting to believe", She looked down at the food on her plate. Cold, just as she had been back then.

"I didn't know", It was barely a whisper.

"I became jealous of you. I made myself feel better for turning away from God by convincing myself that you could still believe in him because you had everything you could ever want. You had both your parents, siblings and you guys were such a tightknit family. It just felt like you were perfect and everything in my life had no foundation to begin with".

"It wasn't easy for me either".

"I know. And I don't know how you did it, but you held it together so well. And you never let go of God's hand while He was the first one I rebelled from when it became too hard".

"It doesn't matter Jack; it only matters that you're in a much better space now".

"Better would be an understatement. It's as if I'd never left him. I feel like all the years in the world have been restored".

When they part their ways, there was no animosity or jealousy in her heart. Just pure love and appreciation for their friendship.

Jackie used to think that the only thing she and Ruth had in common was the fact that they had grown up in a foreign country, but now as she drove home, she realized that then and now, they had a lot in common.