Prelude to kisses

Chapter 50

Jackie watched him walk into the cafe where she'd sat in for at least thirty minutes from the time they had agreed to meet, looking down at the text he'd send her. She had known from those few words from that text that it was over. She'd dreaded leaving her house, a part of her wanting to believe that if she didn't meet him tonight, she could stop the inevitable, even if it was just for a few days. But as someone who faced things head on, she took a deep breath and forced herself out of the house down to the cafe. It was only a five-minute walk, but she had taken her car, not trusting herself to go through if she gave herself the time to talk herself out of it.

Since they'd been together, he'd never once been late, he'd never made her wait and now at the end of the relationship he'd made her wait for over thirty minutes. She wasn't angry, it just solidified the purpose of their meeting here before he'd even sat down and opened his mouth. He didn't look good at all, he looked as though he'd put the first piece of clothing on. Her heart hurt looking at him because he'd already lost weight. He was like that; it was easy for him to lose weight than gain it.

It looked as hard for him to say just as it was hard for her to hear the words stumble out of his mouth, "I'm sorry I made you feel like you had to fix my problems. I'm sorry for making the last few days of our relationship hard on you".

"Is there no way for us anymore?" She asked, looking away momentarily to wipe the tears that quickly fell out of her eyes.

He shook his head no and smiled at her. It was such a sad smile; a cry left her lips before she could catch it. He squeezed her hand and as he got up to leave, she had an urge to hear him laugh again. She wanted to listen to his voice as he laughed and feel the rise and fall of his chest as the most beautiful sound came out from within him. The sweetest song: she'd often thought of it when it was hard to fall asleep and smiled, drifting into slumber. Now she'd never be a part of that world. A part of his world.

She left the same way she'd watched him walk out of the cafe, into her car and back to her house.

She woke up the next morning feeling an unexplainable emptiness before the memories from last night rushed back to her. Making sense of her feelings. It almost felt like a dream; but as the minutes went by and the day grew into night and no text came though her phone, it started to feel real. It was starting to become a fact that she was single again. That he'd broken up with her to fix himself. She could only hope he'd do better after this. That things went his way again and he found happiness again.

Jackie, can you send money for your cousin's graduation ceremony. I send you the account number.

The massage from her aunt came in, with it, a sour taste in her mouth formed. She wanted to scream. She threw her phone on the couch and watched it topple on the carpeted floor. She didn't bother picking up right away. To hell with it. To hell with everything!

Everyone seemed to need her. She didn't want to be needed anymore. She was exhausted from being pulled left and right; it was tearing her apart. Jackie wanted everyone around her to figure it out themselves. Start that business alone, do that research alone and figure it out on their own without involving her which seemed like a constant thing now. She didn't like this person she was being made to become when she told them she couldn't do it anymore.

Jackie had helped everyone in her family at least to some degree, no one could say they hadn't enjoyed her presence in their lives and yet it just wasn't enough. She'd help this person today and the next day they'd be on the phone asking for help again. At this point it was like a hobby of theirs.

She picked up her headphones and walked out of the house. She didn't know where she was going, but she knew the wind would carry her somewhere and when she came back, she'd be in a much better space. She wasn't wrong. The sun felt glorious on her skin, the wind blew softly. The energy around her was charged, with life. She wanted to be swallowed by it. A sudden craving for no one to know her, for no one to know who she was or who she'd been with almost swept her through. 

And before she knew it, Jackie was running back home, packing a few of her stuff and headed for the airport. She bought herself a ticket at the airport to Batanes, Philippines to find tranquility from the misery...