Prelude to kisses

Chapter 25

It was around that time of the year again. The leaves were turning a burned, deep orange. That time of the year when the leaves dry and fall to the tree's feet in a soundless heap. Where long coats were in season and the wind blew at your clothes.

It felt like heartbreak, it felt like love. Like falling in love but also falling out of love all in the same sentence. What could one do? Who could one tell?

It was all bright colors and fun and laughter all around, but in his heart, everything remained grey. It was sort of this grey area where he didn't know whether to run or walk? Whether to stay or leave? In his heart lived a woman whom he loved but also loved to hate. And in his reality was a woman who wanted him, was willing to wait for him until he came to her. But how could he? He could barely move, he could barely open his eyes without seeing her, without hearing her laugh.

It felt like insanity at this point, the only time when her voice didn't accompany him was when he was working. Besides that, she seemed to follow him around. He wanted to move, he really did, but how could he when she was everywhere around him.

Screaming plucked Lee out of his head, when he looked up a few kids were circling around two kids fighting in the park. He was a good distance from them and before he could get up and intervene, he saw a few parents rushing towards them. Lee sighed and went back to watching, just watching his surroundings. A couple sitting on the grass, having a picnic, a kid on the swings. Two moms with strollers standing in the middle of the park. A family taking a walk in the park.

Lee walked through this park every day for the last six months most Sundays after church and yet, he'd never taken a second to sit and really look at his surroundings until now. He didn't know why he'd felt like sitting here, but this just felt right. Maybe he was dreading going back to his empty house. Maybe he felt lonelier than he let on. He had no one right now, his parents had retired back home, taking care of their livestock and farming. They had worked so hard and had left the house in his name, he'd grown up surrounded but now everyone had moved out and gotten married with kids. It was just him. Him and the memories of his ex-girlfriend.

She'd almost become his wife; they were only two months away from getting married. He still didn't know what had led to their breakup, just that one day they'd woken up and nothing was the same. Something had changed, he'd changed. He'd become so consumed with his company, was always away with meetings, taking house calls in the middle of the night. She felt neglected. Invisible even, which was sad because she was the center of his universe, maybe he had forgotten how to show her that.

He tried as hard as he could not to ask her friends how she was doing, but information about her always seemed to find its way to him. She was doing great, now teaching highschooler's, had found a nice apartment. She started going out more, her friends said. She travels during the holidays; they even showed him pictures of her. Always smiling into the camera. Her eyes glittered like gold; she was just stunning. Her friends didn't forget to tell him that she hadn't started dating yet, that when asked about dating again, she'd laugh and change the subject.

It relieved his heart to know but at the same time he wondered if he'd ruined it for her just as she'd ruined it for him. He could take it, she could ruin him, but the thought of her being ruined by him didn't appeal to him. He wanted her to be happy even if it wasn't with him, even if it hurt him, he could take it.

The phone rang from the inside of his coat pocket, it was his dad. When he accepted the call, the first words from his father's lips were, "Don't you miss your father"?

And so, Lee found himself driving home in half an hour to see his old man. Just like that he was being embraced by his mother and his nieces and nephews hugged him, welcoming him home. He couldn't stay long, he had to work in the morning, but it was all worth it if it meant seeing his parents laugh and tell stories about old times.

When he was about to leave, his mother received a call. She put the phone on loudspeaker and at the sound of the voice on the other end of the line, Lee felt his knees buckle. It's been exactly ten months and eighteen days since he'd last heard her voice. He felt tears coming to the surface, so he moved to speak to his dad.

On his way back home, Lee drove the longest drive of his life. He wished this was a nightmare instead, just a horrible nightmare and when he woke, she'd be next to him calling him her husband because in the end they had made it to the end of the alter and she was his...