Prelude to kisses

Chapter 35

Zandaya was strong enough to withstand all that this relationship could bring. She was sure of that. She had a list of all the things she would do while Lee was away. She had everything planned down to a tee. Swimming lessons, first aid training, join a dance class. All these things she had on the board close to her bedside. She'd get everything done and if that was finished, she'd look for more things to add to her list. It seemed too perfect of a plan to not work, she convinced herself.

But in two months she started feeling like she was under water. She figured she was doing too much texting with Lee and too many calls, it was making her miss him a little too much, so she stopped. She watched the phone ring and watched massages come through her phone and let her heart ache as she ignored it.

I know you said we should cut down on communication for a while, but I just wanted you to know that I'm doing okay. I miss you, I'm sorry it's hard and I make it harder for you. I think I've always done that to you.

Zandaya would read the massages and crawl into her bed to cry herself to sleep. And each time she'd convince herself that he'd stop at some point. That she would be strong for the both of them and do what they needed to do until he came back. It was all she could think of to keep herself sane.

Four months and she couldn't do it anymore. Lee wouldn't give up, neither did she want him to. But it all felt too heavy for her. She had nothing to hold on to, just that he loved her and his house he'd made her move into. This house that was suffocating her, it reminded her of him. His scent lingered, the clothes he'd left behind, his taste in decor and the couch they'd cuddle on, the bed they'd slept in together when he was still here. She would go to work and watch the cloth tick and when the day was over, she'd go home to the ghost of him. And when she was off of work, she'd take a class or enjoy one of the hobbies she'd written on her board.

They could only keep her mind off of things, off of him for a while until she was laying back in his bed missing his arms around her. She didn't want to live here without him, she realized. It had just turned nine p.m. when she packed a few things and, in a few minutes, later was knocking on Jackie's door, "Come in", Jackie moved out of the way, taking Zandaya's bag before closing the door behind them.

"I need an escape", She told her, throwing herself on the couch.

She had an even smaller frame compared to Lee; she looked so fragile as she made herself comfortable on the couch, "Did you eat?" Jackie asked.

"No, not yet", she answered.

"Great, Mahita is on her way with takeout. And wine, you look like you need it".

"You have no idea".

"Did you tell Lee you'd spend some time here", she asked as she sat on the couch opposite".

"Yeah, he seemed worried about it. Even asked if he should come back".

"It will be okay, I promise".

"As soon as he lands, I'm marrying him".

Jackie laughed, she could see the two getting married at an airport and even come out holding a newborn.

"What did I miss?" Mahita asked as she placed the takeout on the coffee table.

Time slowly went by and for the first time since Lee had boarded that plane, she didn't feel like rushing it. She didn't feel like closing her eyes just for tomorrow to come, rather she wanted it to go slower. Zendaya wanted a few more hours like this, laughing with women that inspired her, were a part of the female friendship circle. Women that cared and listened and shared their sorrows as well as held your hand through her own. Women that seemed to make sense of the things that went on inside her.

As they sat, chatting away over a bottle of wine, a massage came through. Zendaya looked at her phone's screen and read the massage. Lee had sent her money with a massage explaining that it was for toiletries while she lived at Jackie's place. It was too much for just toiletries. But she knew him, this was his way of showing his love for her. And now she was grown, she knew how to receive his love in every way possible. However he gave out, she received it, "You know, before I met Lee, I was living alone in a one-bedroom place. Going to work, saving money and doing everything I was taught to do as a woman. And he came to me, and I never wanted to do anything on my own again. He made me feel safe leaning on him for whatever", she told the other women.

Mahita understood, and by the look on Zandaya's face she could guess what that massage was. She'd lived through it too. She'd been taken care of too. At some point she'd had a man in her life that made sure she never had to worry about finances or their future. And he'd secured that even after he'd gone, "Cheers to that", she said raising her glass to make a clicking sound with the other woman.

Jackie felt left out, but she could imagine what it felt like. And she knew that one day she'd experience it too. She hoped she would be ready for it when it came, that she'd be the woman who was able to receive that when the man of her dreams came to give it to her.