Prelude to kisses

Chapter 52

In her dream, she's a little girl of about eight years in age. She's left to her toys. She plays with mud and tiny plastic cups. Little Jackie feeds her dolls, she speaks to them and even give them a bath. She's a child left alone to her toys. By now she's figured out what to do. She's has an idea of what it's all about. Feed the baby doll, give it a bath and give a piggyback and soon she'll fall asleep. Jackie had seen her mom do it with Laura for a while now. 

In the midst of this, little Jackie feels a presence. Like someone watches her, protects her and makes sure she's never too far from reach. It's the presence of a white light. Jackie feels the presence even in her dreams and she twists and turns in the bed. Moaning and groaning. The presence finally makes itself known to the little girl. The eight-year-old looks up, wonder fill her huge brown eyes. The man stretches his hand out to her and the little girl quicky wipe her small hands on her dress and takes it. He leads the way, and they disappear together, hand in hand. Jackie is startled to find that the little girl doesn't look back on her toys, she doesn't even try to take any of her toys with. Just trusts this man and takes his hand with a startling sureness and certainty.

When she wakes up, she struggles to makes sense of the dream. Usually, she doesn't care to even recall her dreams, but this one stay engraved in her thoughts.

My child, my precious child. You have spent so much time hearing things about me from others, now, get to know me yourself. Walk with me and get to know me yourself.

Those were the words she heard softly being spoken within her a few days later. She shut the voice out, a part of her afraid of what it meant. Because she knew. Jackie knew who the voice belonged to. She knew it wasn't her own. Maybe the voice was hers, but the words were not her own. For days, she'd succeeded in keeping it quiet, going about her days as usual but no voice had ever been persistent. No voice had ever been so gentle. 

Jackie was giving Chloe a bath one night, she heard Laura singing along to a song from the kitchen while she prepared dinner. Laura's bathroom was small, too small for Jackie's comfort. But Laura would not even welcome the conversation of moving. She and Chloe's dad were getting married in less than a year and wanted to save as much as they could to buy a house. By now, Jackie had learned that she couldn't get to her little sister. When she made a decision no one could persuade her otherwise. Their mother had often admitted to being unlucky for having two stubborn daughters.

Jackie wrapped a towel around Chloe and took her out of the bathtub. Putting lotion on her body and dressing her in comfy pajamas. When they were done, they went into the kitchen to find Laura plating the food, "Can you pour us juice?" Laura said to her sister.

"Sure", Jackie poured juice into two glasses and went to search the cupboard for the bottle of wine she'd bought the last time she was over. When she couldn't find it in the cupboard, she looked at her little sister, "Laura".

Laura feigned ignorance and continued on platting their food before sitting on the chair. 

Jackie stood up, "Did you throw my wine bottle out?"

"Sorry sis, but this is a Christian home".

"I can't believe this", she said, taking her seat to eat. 

"I'm trying to raise Chloe right. I don't want her to think drinking is right. I don't even want that stuff around her".

Jackie was quiet as she moved her food around her plate. Who knew how many times they'd had this conversation. Ever since Laura started going to Church it felt like a nightmare being around her. Too many rules, too many dos and don'ts and it felt imprisoning even being around her.

"You can't drink but you can have sex?"

"Language", Laura warned, quickly glancing at Chloe.

Loura had no idea, Jackie thought, she had no idea of the turmoil that was going on in her head. She couldn't imagine the things she'd gone through and still going through. She was still going through her breakup, it was still fresh, and she felt every sting of it. Most nights she went to bed in tears. She had no drive anymore, no will to go on. It was like in a moment the fire had burned out of her. She didn't even know who she was anymore. She couldn't find herself no matter how long she stared at her reflection in the mirror. A month ago, she'd convinced herself that only a month had gone by, that if she gave it another month, she'd feel better, but three months had now gone by, and it still felt like yesterday that they sat in that coffee shop and breaking up. 

She did the dishes as Laura took her shower and when she joined them in the bedroom, Laura and Chloe were on their knees praying. For a moment all she did was watch Chloe's lips move, hands together and eyes closed. She saw that little girl from her dream with her toys. And in that moment, she knew. There was no running this time. The holy spirit that lived in her made itself known. In that moment, it shone brighter than ever. She was condemned in that moment and knew that there was no going back for her. 

When they lay in bed, Chloe softly snoring on the small bed next to Laura's she heard her little sister say, "We are not having sex. We're waiting until marriage. I know that's crazy since we have a whole child together but we both are born again now. And this time we want to do it right".