Prelude to kisses

Chapter 40

She knew something was incredibly wrong as soon as she picked up her fork and it fell out of her hand in a clutter. It wasn't loud enough to disturb the distinct chatter around her, but it was enough to weaken her knees. The restaurant was brightly lit, soft piano music played somewhere above. She looked down at the pasta on her plate, but her appetite had quickly vanished, and she couldn't stand the sight of food right now.

The walk to the restroom felt like walking a mile up the mountain. She'd never felt like this before, and the phone call came as soon as she closed the door of the restroom door. Loura's name flashed on her phones screen. She didn't waste a second as she picked it up and put it to her ear. It was in her little sister's voice, the way it trembled as she tried to get the words out.

She only needed to hear the hospital name before she was running out of the restaurant into the black night. She quickly ran to her car and was driving down to the hospital the next second. She was a maelstrom of thoughts. She squeezed her eyes shut in a plea to rid of them.

Laura sat with her head cast downwards on the hospital chairs outside of the emergency room, her phone in her hand. Her heart fell out of her chest down to her feet. She wished she could take all of it away. She'd rather be the only one feeling like that, defeated as any mother would feel as her daughter was in the emergency room. Jackie took the first step to her little sister, as soon as her sisters eyes landed on her, she melted into her arms. She felt like her mother more than her sister in that moment and she forced herself not to break down too.

It didn't help anything for both of them to break in that moment, one of them had to be strong. When she'd calm down a bit, Loura explained that Chloe had had a stomachache and didn't touch her food in the morning, she'd thought it would go away after a while, but it only got worse, "It's an appendix, she's in surgery right now", she finished.

"She'll be okay, don't worry", She held her sister to her chest.

Chloe was in the hospital for a few days before she was discharged, for those few days, Loura, Chloe's father and Jackie's life revolved around the hospital. When she went back to work again, she'd constantly check her phone, with the fear that Loura would have called, and she wouldn't be able to pick it up in time. If she was this anxious and unsettled, she could only imagine Loura would be worse.

She bought lilies for Loura on her way to her place and a box of chocolate. She ran up the stairs to her little sister's apartment. It was close to the university and only a few minutes' drive to the hospital she worked at. Jackie knew that Loura blamed herself for not realizing it sooner since she was a nurse, she'd feel guilty for not doing something sooner and taking Chloe to the hospital. She was so accustomed to not knocking and budging into the apartment that she swung the door opened and found Loura and Chloe's dad standing close together, she had her arms folded on her chest as he tucked a braid behind her ear. When they heard the door open, they both turned to look in her direction.

He cleared his throat and moved a feet away from Loura, "I will call you tomorrow morning, you should get some rest", He told Loura before grabbing his jacket from the chair and making an exit. Jackie nodded in his direction as an acknowledgement before she closed the door behind him. 

"What was he doing here?" she asked, taking a seat on one of the chairs.

"I called him".

"But you knew I was coming".

"He's Chloe's dad, he pays for our rent and would have put me through school if you hadn't refused his offer". Loura accused

"He could buy this entire building for you, and I still wouldn't care", She said calmly even though she felt anything but. She had no idea why she hated him. Maybe because he was at least three years older than Loura, or the fact that he'd impregnated her and stopped her life for two years. In the end, he was older, he should have known better.

"I can't with you", Loura said standing up to make coffee.

The flowers and the box of chocolate she'd bought her now sat on the kitchen counter, she wished her feelings for him would sit still as they did, not tick and give off warning alarms every time she saw him. Especially because they had been perfectly cordial prior to Laura's pregnancy, but after that, it was hard to go back to how they were.

"I can't with you either", she whispered to herself before she walked into Chloe's room. Her little girl was awake, her eyes glistening in the dark as she blinked. Her heart constricted in its cage. If she could take the pain away, she would in a heartbeat. She walked to her bed and laid her, so she was laying on her chest. She'd often lay her here whenever she couldn't sleep or didn't want to cover herself with the blanket. And just like all those times Chloe lay quietly, carefully she rubbed her back and before she knew it, she'd gone to sleep.

how could she be angry at her sister when she gave her one more person to love, another reason to live and take care of. Having a child didn't put a stop to one's life, sometimes it made life all that much better, so how could she be disappointed when she had a little human's heartbeat against her own? She was softly crying now. Tears streaming down her cheeks at this profound love that was too big for her heart to carry. Would she ever love anything or anyone like this ever again? She wasn't the one who carried Chloe in her womp for nine months, but she'd felt as a mother the moment she found out Loura was pregnant. And now there was no other title she wanted to hold.