Prelude to kisses

Chapter 22

The pregnancy test sat on the bathroom floor. No sound came from outside, nothing seemed to be taking place outside the room. No car horns. No screaming children playing in the street. Nothing. Just a quiet air that couldn't even be felt unless one was looking for it. Angie sat on the toilet seat. She made no sound. Her heart momentarily beat when she looked at the timer on her phone. A minute left. A minute until she found out whether or not she was carrying a life inside her.

She should have called Dylan, and yet when she tried to, her hands would shake uncontrollably. She was two weeks late, she felt heavy. Her body felt heavy. At first, she tried to convince herself that she was bloated, or gaining weight due to work stress. Their new manager wasn't making it easier on them ever since he started managing their branch. With Vincent's promotion it has been hell. There was none of the smiles and laughter around lunch and during work hours, everyone was constantly on their toes.

The new manager had already fired two employees because he found them incompetent. It was sickening to say the least. Angie was all about facing things head on, and the moment she realized that this could be more than just stress and weight gain, she ran to the pharmacy and bought a pregnancy test. The timer went off, now all she had to do was pick the test up and get the answer she needed. She hesitated, took a deep breath and stopped thinking. She forced her brain to stop, for the wheels up there to stop turning.

Two lines. Two straight and very visible lines stared back at her. An urge to throw up hit her, finding herself hunched over the toilet seat. It felt like a dream, a nightmare of some sort. As she sat on the toilet floor waiting for the nausea to stop and for her head to stop spinning, she waited for Dylan to wake her up. She waited for him to shake her shoulders and ask her what she had been dreaming about, to stay up with her until she fell back to sleep because this couldn't be real.

They had always been careful, they both knew and understood that a baby was something they both wanted in due time, not now. Not like this. How would she tell him about this, should she even tell him? When they first started dating, about three months in, they had had this conversation. She'd asked him what they'd do if they got pregnant. They were both honest, she hadn't been ready, and neither was he and they both knew the decision they'd make when it happened. But that was five years ago. Things had changed since then. They both had stable jobs now, he had a place of his own and even though she was renting this apartment, she was in the process of purchasing her own house. Only a few months until that dream became a reality. That's why this was so hard to accept.

Dylan hadn't mentioned babies since then and neither had she, he often spoke about marriage but building a house, buying a car and having a life foundation for herself without him was more important to her right now. She thought these things over and over again until she felt numb.

She heard the keys on the front door turning, heard the sound of footsteps and heard the door close before keys were thrown on the kitchen counter. It had only been two months since she moved in here after Jackie moved to Victoria Falls, but she knew this apartment so well. From the kitchen there's the bedroom door then the toilet on the other side. She was in the toilet inside her room. She could almost hear the doorknob turning in his hand before he knocked on the bathroom door. Angie didn't have the energy to call out to him, much less hide the test from him. It was sooner rather than later for her.

He quietly let himself in, she had her face in her hands. She didn't need to look up to see his face to know the concern etched on there. She knew him by his scent, his footsteps. The little pauses in his walk were like a child's favorite lullaby. She knew all of him. She hated that and loved it all the same. Tears streamed down her face now. Why was she crying? She had no idea, she only had this uncontrollable need to cry at his presence. At the knowledge that she didn't need to be doing this alone right now because he had done this to her, and she had allowed him to do it. She had loved every second of this and so had he.

"Are you okay?" he was kneeling in front of her, his hand reaching up to remove her hands from her face.

She tried to speak but the words were stuck somewhere in her throat. Did she really need a reason to be crying right now? Could she really control something like her tears? 

"Hey, why are you crying? Did something happen at work". He shifted a little to sit and pull her onto his lap when he noticed the test. He secured her middle with his arm on his lap while the other reached for the test. He looked at it, then her, then the test again. He looked at it for a good minute until Angie found herself laughing. What was going on with her? One minute she was crying then the next laughing hard.

Dylan turned her face to him, his expression blank and asked, "Baby are you... are we pregnant?"

"I think so". She watched his expression change from nothing to genuine thrill. It scared her, that he seemed to have accepted this so easily when she had momentarily thought of terminating it.

She got up from his lap, angry at him, at herself. How could he be happy about something like this. Did he know what it meant? Didn't he understand just what they both had to give up just by the thought of carrying this child to full term and giving birth to it. She walked into the bedroom, she suddenly felt her body temperature drop, she took a night gown and covered herself with it.

"We have to go to the clinic. Tomorrow. I will come pick you up at ten". It was only glee on his face when she looked at him. She felt sickened. What kind of mother would she make if the first thought that came to mind was having an abortion? What kind of parent could she compare herself to when he was this ecstatic even at the possibility of being a father.

"I can't, I have work tomorrow?"

"Okay, we can go on your lunch break. I will book an appointment and bring you back to work before your lunch hour is over".

"I don't feel like it, whether it's today, tomorrow or days from now".

He took a deep sigh then, sitting himself on the bed. He reached for her hand; she took her place next to him.

"I know we didn't plan this, I'm sorry it happened. I wasn't careful enough and I let you down. But there's no use crying over spilled milk. I just want us to make the best possible decision for the three of us", he already sounded like a dad, she didn't know whether to hate or love him in that moment.

Dylan was like that. She remembered why she fell in love with him. She couldn't hate him now, after all; this was precisely the reason she'd accepted a relationship with him all those years ago. Dylan always found a way around things, quick with his decision making, considerate. He was the only person she wanted to be lost with, she wanted to roam through the jungle with him. She didn't care about the wolves in the jungle or the lions as long as he was by her side. Because he found a solution to everything, always looked at the bright side without losing sight of reality. She looked up at him and smiled to herself...