Endgame ~ Taylor Swift x Travis Kelce

why did you go

sorry this is so short i wrote it at 2am in about 30 minutes... sorry <3
sorry if the last paragraphs are barely in English, i was struggling to stay awake.
anywayyy love you guys 💘💘💘

Taylor

The gravel crunched beneath my feet as I walked, taking slow, heavy steps. It had been three months today since Travis had left me, and it seemed like the pain had only gotten worse.

I clutched the small bouquet of flowers in one hand, made up of a mixture of flowers from our backyard. My other hand rested on my swollen belly, feeling the tiny movements inside me. I saw his gravestone ahead, still bright and covered in flowers, notes, small gifts, as if it had only happened yesterday. My husband was so loved.

When I reached it, I kneeled down against the cool grass, and placed the flowers delicately next to the bottom of his headstone. I grazed my fingers against the stone, tracing the letters of his name - Travis Michael Kelce. It still didn't feel real. His name being carved into this stone felt like some sort of cruel joke. Tears blurred my vision, but I didn't try to wipe them away. There was no point.

"Hi baby," I whispered, my voice cracking. "I brought you more flowers... I know you already have heaps but... I also know you'd love them." My chest tightened as I thought back to how Travis had often gone into the back garden to pick flowers for me, always with the biggest grin across his face.

I let out a shaky breath, my fingers still resting gently against his name. The stone was cold - he was cold. I no longer got the warm, fuzzy feeling that Travis always managed to bring. It was long gone. "I miss you so much." I managed to choke out, my voice breaking, "I don't know how to do this without you Trav. Every day hurts. Everything reminds me of you."

I pressed both hands to my belly and took a breath, feeling our baby girl move under my skin. "She kicks so much now," I whispered, my voice quivering as tears spilled over. "Just like you - always moving, always restless." My shoulders shook as sobs took over, the pain overwhelming me to a point of trembling. "I wish you could feel her... I wish you were here to see her grow."

The world blurred around me, the weight of my everything crushing me. "I'm scared, Trav," I mumbled, my voice barely a whisper. "I don't know how to be strong without you. I don't know how to be her mom without you here to help me." My breath hitched, and I let out a sob, my tears falling freely.

I remember how he used to lay his head on my stomach, whispering to our baby, telling her all the things he couldn't wait to do with her. He would tell her about the games they'd watch together, how he'd teach her to throw a football, how we'd take her to the zoo to see all the animals, how he'd do every daddy-daughter dance with her. His voice had been so full of love and excitement, and broke my heart to a million pieces knowing it would never come true.

"You were supposed to be here," I whispered, my voice shaking. "You were supposed to hold her... and me. I don't want to do this without you." I leaned my head against the cold stone, my tears wetting the granite as I sobbed. I remembered the last time I saw him so vividly. The way he smiled at me, his eyes so full of love. He had promised me he'd be back soon. He had promised me forever.

"Why did you have to go?" I whispered, "We were supposed to watch her grow up together. You were supposed to be there for her first steps, her first words." My voice broke, and I squeezed my eyes shut, my entire body trembling. "She'll never get to know you, Travis. She'll never know how much you loved her, and that kills me."

The world felt empty. I pressed my hand to my belly again, trying to take any sort of strength from the tiny life growing inside me. "I'll tell her about you," I promised, my voice trembling. "I'll tell her how much you loved her, how excited you were to meet her. I'll tell her about your laugh, and how your eyes lit up every time you saw me." I let out a shaky breath, closing my eyes as I spoke. "I'll tell her how you used to dance with me in the kitchen, even though you were so bad at it. I'll tell her how you sang off-key just to make me laugh. I'll tell her how you would've been the best dad in the world."

I closed my eyes, letting myself pretend, just for a moment, that he was still here with me. "I need you to hold me baby," I whispered, "I'm falling apart and I need you to wrap your arms around me and hold me together..." I sobbed, trying to let myself feel his arms around me. But nothing. I blinked open my eyes.

"I love you, Travis," I whispered, my voice cracking as I pressed my lips against the headstone. The cold stone wasn't enough. It would never be enough. I needed him - I needed his warmth, his laughter, his love. All I had now were memories, and a little life that would be part Travis.

Slowly, I pushed myself up from the ground, my knees aching as I stood. I looked down, my heart breaking all over again. "I'll see you soon, my love," I whispered, my voice barely audible. "I'll keep going. For you, and for her. Even though it's hard. I promise."

I stood for a moment, then turned away. My hands rested comfortably on my belly, but I couldn't seem to smile at the feel of each kick. This was supposed to be a joyous time in my life. It was supposed to be happy and exciting. This was the opposite.

The baby had been perfect. It was me that was the issue. Which I guess, at the end of the day, was a good thing. Because this little girl, half me, half travis', was all I had.