MCYT RANDOMNESS 2

Agorophobia

'Oh finally, it's over...' Despite Jimmy's words about the session's end, I still don't move. I just lie where Scott pushed me out of death's way, accepting the constant pain – the stinging of my snail killing me, my lungs burning from drowning, the bleeding slashes from Skizz's attack when he attacked me for nothing. I did nothing to him and he still chased me across the server. My legs still ache from fleeing him and the snails, my mind still buzzes with adrenaline.

My heart still twists at the thought that Lizzie, my ally, refused to help me.

'Yeah... as much as they were completely adorable and I want to keep 20 of them in my base as pets, those snails were really, really annoying. And dangerous.' Lizzie speaks. I don't join the conversation. The only sounds I make are the first choking sobs.

'Scar?' Scott's notices me crying immediately, stepping closer. 'Are you ok?'

Even if I could reply through my tears, I don't. The thoughts I've been keeping at bay this whole season course through my mind. No one cares about you. No one likes you. You're going to die alone like every single season. Or be left alone forever again. And no one will rescue you.

I try to ignore them, but my chest is already burning, my mind is already buzzing, my throat is already constricting with the all-too-familiar panic. Lizzie didn't save me. Jimmy didn't help me. Skizz, Tango and Mumbo all hate me. Grian, who swore to protect me this season, is only acting worse than ever before. The whole concept of murder snails this week proved that he's behind the twists, not the Watchers. It's Grian who's getting me hurt.

'Scar? Shit, someone get Grian, he's having a panic attack.'

'On it.' I barely hear Jimmy running away over the heartbeat in my ears. I struggle for breath. The paranoia in the back of my mind tells me I need to move, my snail's going to get me or I'll be out of the series in week 3 and the Watchers will take me prisoner again.

'Scar, breathe. Breathe. It's okay. It's all okay. Everything's okay.' Scott's lies don't work. It's not okay. Nothing is okay. It makes me feel like I'm stupid for ever thinking going down to my red life and being abandoned by my allies isn't okay. I try to snap back as much, but all that comes out are breathless, choking sobs.

'Scar?' Lizzie crouches next to me. 'I'm sure everything's fine.' Lizzie, who let Skizz hunt me down. Lizzie, who's dark green and still didn't help me. Lizzie, who's the reason I don't trust anyone anymore. 'You shouldn't be upset about the snails. We all died to them...'

Rage.

I try to yell, but all that comes out is a breathless screech as I claw at her.

'WHAT THE HECK, SCAR!' Lizzie shrieks back. Guilt crashes over me, another wave of dread. Scott drags me back, stopping me moving. I fight and struggle against his grip. My chest is going to implode. Or it already has. Vex instincts drive me to faze free, summon Vex wings, and fly. I can't. The Watcher magic's disabling it. Pain lances through every nerve in my body. I think I'm dying. Scott's still trapping me, his arms too tight and only getting tighter as I struggle and fight for freedom. My insides burn and twist and scream where I cannot.

'Scar! Oh my goodness, what happened?' Grian. Grian who did this to me. Grian who made the snails attack us. Grian who's a Watcher. I don't want Grian. I can't be with Grian. His magic is going to hurt me. Or his words are. His actions. Again.

'So... he started having a panic...'

I break free.

Scott yells as I stumble to my feet and away. There a shout to stop. I don't. I can't. I only speed up until...

The mountain falls away. I panic. I try to stop. My legs are too far ahead of my mind, still running, and tangle beneath me.

I fall.