The Tour

37

"Oh my darling I'm so sorry" my mum explained as her voice filled with obvious sadness over the phone "we had no idea any of this was happening" she said as I felt a tear roll down my cheek.

Although I was still in Michaels arms all I wanted was a hug from my mum or dad. Heck I'd even take one from James. All I kept blubbering to Michael was that I wanted my mum and to go home leading to him calling her for me off my phone. Her saying sorry was the first time she'd been able to speak in 30 minutes as I just sat repeatedly telling her how hurt I was as if he hadn't pulled this shit or hurt me many times before.

"I can't do my show tonight" I blurted as a unison of no ran through the room and via the phone

"Not happening young lady" a voice that was clearly my dads shouted as I sighed "you're not letting his disgusting behaviour ruin your career or life" he said as I looked up at Michael who was nodding at me

"They're right Nic, you don't go on that stage and you've let him win because he will go on tonight without a single care in the world and you need to do the same" he explained as I ran my hands through my hair

"But what if I cry?" I blurted as I heard my mum tut

"Honey I'd be surprised if you had any tears left and there's nothing wrong with showing some emotion, the man you loved has just moved on within the space of five minutes it's disgusting" she replied as I felt my heart drop knowing that I was with Oli and they still weren't aware of this. If she thought Luke had moved on fast than what on earth was she going to say and think about Oli and I.

"Yeah you'd think after two years together he'd be a bit more graceful about the situation" my dad blurted as I hummed in response "I'm sure Michael agrees" he continued as I looked to Michael hopeless

"Yeah he could of gone a bit slower but each to their own" he awkwardly replied as I smiled slightly at him thankful I didn't have to navigate a reply to their comments

"Just promise us you'll get on stage Nicky" dad said as I nodded forgetting he couldn't see me over the phone

"I'll be on stage don't worry"

"That's my girl"

•

"Nashville how we feeling tonight?" I asked. The crowd as a loud cheering followed.

The energy I had received from the moment I walked on stage was something I hadn't experienced all tour. This crowd was doing more than cheering for me. It felt like they had my back and were giving me the most support they could from a distance.

"I don't know about you guys but I'm fucking mentally drained today" I joked as I saw smiled go over the fans faces before the usual scream in response from them all

"I'm going to need all your energy for this one, this song is called again&again. Sing along if you know it" I said before I began my usual routine of running around the stage as I sang.

Although it's had its highs and its lows, this small 40 minute set I got each night was my safe space. I was performing songs that I was beyond proud of myself for creating. Songs that I had written when I was 18 and didn't know half of the stuff I did now. New songs that captured nothing but the raw emotions i currently had. This small stage gave me the freedom to unapologetically be me. 40 minutes of freedom. 40 minutes of being Nicky happily.

As I did my final small spin around the stage I suddenly saw two figures stood to the side of the stage waving their arms frantically gaining my attention. I ignored it slightly waiting my song to get to the section with a feature in it so the speakers could take over and the crowd could enjoy the male voice.

Creeping over I felt my eyes begin to water as I saw two people I knew too well stood there with huge smiles on their faces. My mum and dad. They were here. The people I needed most were here. I quickly reached out to hold my mums hand before running back to the centre of the stage to begin singing the end of my song knowing I couldn't run off with my parents even though I wanted to.

The atmosphere from the crowd and the fact my parents were watching me was beyond enough motivation to give my all into this performance. Everything I'd been told on the phone earlier was true. I can't have anything ruined for me. This is my time to shine I wasn't going to waste it. And although I wanted to, I wasn't going to shatter. Not now, not ever.