The Tour

42

"Hello you" the voice said as I instantly stood up realising it was Luke

"Get out" I said walking towards him

"Come on babe I just want to talk" he said taking a step closer to me himself. His scent was prominent and would be filling up the air in my room as we spoke without a doubt

"Talk about what?" I snapped as I felt his thumb run across my face and the small pit in my stomach began to appear as he tucked thin bits of my brown hair behind my ears.

"You and I Nicky. I miss you, I need you back" he said as I shook my head feeling the pit grow stronger

"Luke I-"

"I know you can't but please Nicky. Think about it. You're my everything I need you in my life more than you'll ever understand" he pleaded keeping his hand firmly on my cheek. My muscles were too weak to move, almost frozen in time as his vulnerability threw me off majorly.

"Luke"

"Don't say anything please" he said as I just looked into his blue eyes. The eyes I'd originally fallen in love with. There was a darkness that had over taken them over the last few years but looking at them this close did nothing but draw it to my attention that the colour was slowly returning. Every second I looked into them the colour seemed to return making me smile slightly.

"I miss you Nicky" he whispered as I nodded diverting my attention to the floor allowing him to use his finger to force my gaze back up to align with his eyes

"I know you do Luke" I said as his face began to make its way closer to my own causing me to take a large step back in shock realising he was taking this as an opportunity to kiss me

"I don't miss you Luke and I certainly don't want whatever the hell you do" I said shaking my head as the brightness in his eyes began to drain leaving me speechless as I realised how fast his moods changed and how obvious is was in his face

"I'm going to get you back Nicky" he mumbled as I shook my head as a sound was heard through the intercom in the room

"All 5 seconds of summer boys to the stage for soundcheck" echoed through the room as I pointed to the door

"That's your queue" I sassed as he nodded and began making his way to the exit

"You still love me Nicky. It's written all over your face" He said as he opened the door leaving me to roll my eyes

"oh and just so you know where I stand...I still love you" he said before the door slammed behind him allowing for the biggest stomach pit to form. He loved me. He just said he still loved me. Love. The strongest four letter word there is. Love. But I didn't love him. I hadn't for months. Had I finally reached the point where he liked me more than I liked him.

His words "I'm going to get you back" echoed alongside the "I still love you" as I placed myself back down on my couch trying to process it all. I didn't want him back. Not one inch of me wanted him near me but I knew what he is like. See what's he wants and doesn't stop till he gets it. I was a goal to him. He wanted me to fall for him again. Trap me into loving him again for him to possibly rip me back down to shreds afterwards.

Was this why he joined us yesterday? Was he actively trying to subtly wiggle his way back in. He surely knew at some point I'd of told me parents the truth and their image of him would be shattered. He knew the adored him and he wouldn't want that view changed. And if it had changed he's smart enough to change it quickly and it had already clearly worked with my mum. But it was the same routine as before. He hates me then loves me. Wants me gone then asks for me back. Calls me every vile name under the sun to then tell me I'm beautiful. It was a cycle and a dangerous one I felt trapped in.

A few more weeks was all I kept reminding myself as I picked up my guitar again deciding to make it my mission to divert my attention elsewhere. I was writing before he came in so why should I stop just because he decided to love bomb me. Destruction is what he excelled at. Chaos wherever he was. I began humming the tune of manage to create as random words and phrases collected in my brain as I tried to continue the lyrics I'd began writing at home. But still the only thing I could think of was his want for me when I don't want him. The constant back and forth was relentless.

I continued scribbling random words and sentences down before I stoped staring at the line of written at the top of the page.

I guess I had to leave you for you to treat me like I'm yours