Tayvis One-Shots

breaking point

managed to sneak this in while doing my homework

TRIGGER WARNING - self harm

Taylor's POV

The door closed behind him with a finality that shattered something deep inside me. The sound of his footsteps faded down the hall, and then... silence.

A silence so thick it felt like drowning.

I stood there, frozen in place, staring at the door as if my sheer willpower could bring him back. As if he would suddenly realize his mistake, turn around, and say, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it, I love you, I'll stay.

But that wasn't going to happen.

Travis was gone.

A choked sob wrenched its way out of my throat, and suddenly, I couldn't hold myself up anymore. My knees hit the floor, and the weight of it all crashed over me, pressing into my chest so hard I could barely breathe.

I cried because he was gone.

I cried because love wasn't supposed to end like this.

I cried because I gave him everything, and it still wasn't enough.

I cried because I didn't know who I was without him anymore.

The world blurred through my tears as I curled in on myself, arms wrapped around my middle as if I could hold myself together when everything else was falling apart.

The room felt too big without him in it. Too empty. Too cold.

My heart pounded in my ears, my mind racing, searching for something, anything, to make it stop hurting. I needed to quiet the thoughts, to numb the pain, to take back even the smallest bit of control when everything felt so wildly out of my hands.

I forced myself up on shaking legs, stumbling into the bathroom. My reflection stared back at me, red-rimmed eyes and tear-streaked cheeks, lips trembling. I didn't even look like myself.

I should've known it was too good to be true. 

This always happened and I never fucking learned.

No man had ever wanted to be with me. No man had ever wanted a future with me.

I opened the drawer with shaking hands. My fingers hesitated, hovering over the cool metal before curling around it.

I knew it was wrong. I knew it as my chest heaved with uncontrollable sobs, I knew it as I hyperventilated, sinking down to the floor.

I just needed to feel something else. Anything else.

I stifled a sob as I brought the razor to my wrist, the thin red lines appearing as I cried, losing myself in the haze of pain. I looked down at my wrist, 

I pressed harder.

Fuck, it hurt, but I deserved the pain. 

Tears streamed down my face as I hugged my knees to my chest, so many- too many thoughts running through my head.

No-one likes you.

You're unwanted.

You're not good enough.

You'll never be good enough.

I let out a muffled sob, fighting for breath as I grabbed the razor yet again, digging even harder into my wrist, just wanting to forget.

I slump against the wall, my eyes fixed on the cuts. The sharp sting still lingers, but it's nothing compared to the pain inside. I don't know how to stop. It feels like the only way to let it out is to keep hurting myself.