Double Take

Chapter 42

Love

"W-What did you say?"

I had to purse my lips to appear serious. Ewan ko ba. Seryoso naman ako sa sinabi ko pero hindi ko pa rin mapigilang bahagyang matawa sa reaksyon niya. He looked so shocked and almost in denial. As if it was a sin to assume immediately even if he already heard it clearly from me.

He caught me stifling my smile as he waited for my answer. His jaw clenched. Bumaba siya at ginawaran ako ng halik. Unlike his previous kisses, this one felt like a punishment, his own way of erasing the smirk on my lips. I kissed him back but he already pulled away before I could even enjoy it.

Kumunot ang noo ko.

"I'm asking you, Rael..." he answered to my confusion before he languidly dipped his head again. Kiss me hard and teasingly bite my lips from time to time but would stop right away whenever I'm trying to catch up.

I let out a heavy sigh as I watched him hover on top of me. His wet messy hair looked so hot on him I couldn't help myself but let my fingers play with it.

His dark eyes with hypnotizing gaze are telling me to just submit already, as if I still have the power to resist him. Wala na Benj. I'm already drowned to you.

"Is it really that hard to say-"

"No." I cut him off and shook my head. "I just don't think that words are enough to properly describe my feelings for you."

His eyes widened a fraction. Kung nagulat man siya kanina, mas lalo na ngayon. At kung nakakaya ko pang matawa kanina sa reaksyon niya, hindi na ngayon.

I couldn't even look at his face anymore. Hindi ko kayang tingnan ng matagal ang gulat at pagkakamangha niya. Hindi ko matanggap na parang itinanim niya sa isip niya na kailanman ay hindi ko siya magagawang mahalin.

But can I blame him, though?

I denied him before. I pushed him away. I broke his heart and made him believe that I didn't love him. That I love someone else. He believed in it for a decade. My lies wounded him so much, I don't think the idea of me finally loving him surfaced in his mind even once in those years that we are apart.

And it's damn breaking my heart right now. He didn't deserve anything bad that I did to him in the past. I know that from the very start, yet I still choose to hurt him. I had my reasons, but it wouldn't change the fact that I hurt the person who did nothing but love me despite my shortcomings.

"I don't need you to describe it perfectly. I just want to hear it from your lips, Rael, so I would stop thinking that this is just an illusion. That my mind is only consoling me, making me a fool, using the words that I've been dreaming of hearing from you since then."

My lips parted. He gave me a small smile as he lovingly caressed my cheek. His eyes shone with pain but there are also something else. There is a slight hope... accompanied by sheer begging.

Kung paano ko siya nakayanang tiisin noong nagmakaawa siyang 'wag kong iiwan ay hindi ko na maalala. Mas lalo na lang ako nakakaramdam ng galit para sa sarili ngayon. Of how cruel I am to hurt him that way. Na alam ko ang estado ng relasyon niya sa mga magulang niya at nang mga oras na iyon ay sa akin lang siya kumakapit pero binigo ko pa rin siya.

"If you love me, tell me now. Because if your feelings are truly meant for me, then, I fucking deserve to know. Stop holding back and just pour everything to me at all once. Even if your words felt awkward right now... or still in deep shambles, I don't care. I want it all." he pleaded in a shaky voice and it's damn killing me. To hear him beg as if he needs it to be loved.

No, Benj. You don't need to do anything now. Kung may isa man sa ating magmamakaawa ngayon, ako 'yon.

"Akin 'yon, kaya kukunin ko." he clarified.