*** ALL RIGHTS RESERVED ***
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VICTORIA
It's been more than a month since that dinner. Sabi ko sa sobrang puyat ko, hindi ako dapat nag assume.
No he didn't propose his undying love and loyalty.
Tatanungin lang pala nya ako kung pede nya akong maging girlfriend. Bullsh!t lang. We've been screwing each other's brains out, sabay, pede ba nya akong maging girlfriend?!!
Adik ba sya?! Anu pala kami? FUBU? Madalas talaga wala sa ayos itong si Matt.
And yet, ako itong si gaga, Pero malamang mas wala ako sa ayos. Pumayag ako.
Pumayag akong maging girlfriend nya. At least exclusive kami di ba.
And he also asked me to share his life and his house and his bed.
At syempre pumayag din ako sa "live with me" na proposal nya.
I wanted to live with him anyway. Ano pa ba naman ang iaarte ko?
Umasa lang naman ako na kasal nga yung proposal nya. Yun na lang naman ang kulang. Lahat naman ibibigay na nya sa akin. Except his name of course.
Pero ang akin naman, anything na kaya nyang ibigay, tatanggapin ko. Malamang ganun ko sya kamahal no?
Basta kasama ko sya. Masaya na ako.
Mababaw lang alam ko, pero eto yung isang bagay na pinangarap ko simula ng makilala ko si Matt.
At kung isang araw, hindi mag work out ang relasyon namin at hindi talaga kami. I just have to accept the fact na hindi lang kami para sa isa't isa.
Mahalaga lang doon ay ibinigay ko ang lahat without reservations. Yung walang akong babalikan at sasabihin na sana nagawa ko yun. Dahil alam ko na lahat kaya kong gawin for him.
Hindi ko nga lang alam kung kakayanin ko ang mawala sya sa akin, pero s ngayon...
"Hey, ang lalim na naman ng iniisip mo?" Bigla akong nabalik sa kasalukuyan sa tanong nya sa akin habang nagdadrive syang papunta sa opisina ko.
Napangiti ako. Naalala ko rin lahat ng mga pangarap nya for us.
Now that we are together, nagpaplano syang bumili na lang ng condo malapit sa opisina naming dalawa. O kaya bahay. Maybe we can start a family.
Our family.
Kasi si Jovik, he will always be closer to Jason and his parents.
"Just thinking about Jovik."
"Kailan ba ang uwi nya from Europe?"
"Sabi ni Jason mga two to three weeks pa bago umuwi sina Jovik at mga magulang nya."
"You're worried?"
"Hindi naman. Sila na ang tumayong magulang ni Jovik kesa sa amin ni Jason."
Natahimik sya sandali.
"Pag may baby na tayo, I want you to quit your job," seryosong sabi nya sa akin. Hindi pa din pala talaga sya tapos sa kakapilit sa akin na mag resign na.
Maraming beses na nyang inulit sa akin that he doesn't want me working with Marco Gonzales. And every single time na tumatanggi akong tumigil sa pagtatrabaho ay nag aaway kami.
"Mas maganda kasi if hands on ka sa pag aalaga sa baby natin. Just like my mom, she did quit her job when the children started coming."
Children? Kanina anak lang, ngayon mga anak na agad? Tsaka ikumpara ba ako sa nanay nya? Galing kaya sa mayamang pamilya ang nanay nya. She can afford to be a stay at home mom, ako hindi.
"Bakit parang nagulat ka?" Tanong nya sa akin. "Are you on birth control?"
"No."
"Kung hindi mo napapansin, I have not been taking precautions either. And believe me, I have always been careful about birth control."
Oh crap! He's been trying to get me pregnant?
"I'm not trying to get you pregnant," he smiled at me. "But if you'd get pregnant, that would be nice."
Hinawakan nya ang kamay ko at hinalikan yun. "I meant what I said Victoria, I want you to bear my children."
We drove in silence after that. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang isasasgot ko sa sinabi nya. Part of me wants that to happen and yet, hindi muna ngayon.
Parang I want to run to the nearest drugstore and buy pills and condoms.
Biglang hindi ako ready because I am finally where I want to be.
May career ako. Lovelife. Pamilya.
Am I ready to have another child? I don't think so.
Hindi ko nga naalagaan ng maayos si Jovik. We grew up with him. Pero ang hirap din kasing sabihin na naging magulang kami sa kanya.
He's always been that younger brother to us.
Hindi ako natuto na magmahal.
I have always been intellectually gifted but emotionally deficient.
I never really knew how it was like to have a family.
Nanghiram lang ako ng pamilya kay Jason. And then when Jovik came into this world, they showered him with all the love and affection.
Jason was a natural. Lumaki syang may mapagmahal na magulang.
I only had a family nung kinupkop na nila ako. And even then, pakiramdam ko nanghihimasok ako sa pamilya nila.
Although alam kong mahal naman nila ako gaya ng isang anak, but I think it was already too late for me.
Not having a father and losing my mother at a very young age really did a number on me.
But it was always different with Matt. I knew that I am emotionally attached to him. Whether it is love or attraction or lust, I have yet to find out. But I know that I wanted to open up myself to him. And in doing so, alam ko din na binubuksan ko ang sarili ko sa sakit.
I looked at him and then asked myself if it was all worth it, and then he smiled at me and I knew that I will go through hell just to be with him.
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26 July 2015
A/N: Be careful on what you wish for Victoria, you might just get it.
BINABASA MO ANG
Taking Chances
ChickLitRich Boy. Poor Girl. Two worlds apart. Yan ang drama nina Victoria at Matthew. Si Victoria, poor but extremely intelligent. She is also beautiful in that unconventional way. She could have been perfect if only she didn't have a child at 15...
